At the halfway point of the NFL season, the success and slumbers of teams and players are… At the halfway point of the NFL season, the success and slumbers of teams and players are beginning to solidify.

The early weeks of the NFL are usually forgotten by now, with teams such as the Washington Redskins — who began the year 3-1 — now last in their divisions and seemingly out of the playoff race.

As the true stars begin to emerge, it’s time for the mid-season award ceremony. With all the haters, fantasy lovers and Steelers fans in mind, here are your winners:

Most Valuable Player – Peyton Manning, Quarterback, Indianapolis Colts

For the first time in NFL history, the Most Valuable Player award should go to a guy who hasn’t taken a snap all season. Who can argue with this nomination? In his first 12 seasons, Manning led the Colts to the playoffs 11 times. He also won a Super Bowl. Now, after his being sidelined with a neck injury and not seeing a snap this year, the Colts are 0-9.

Offensive Player of the Year – Aaron Rodgers, Quarterback, Green Bay Packers

In reality, Rodgers should probably win the Most Valuable Player award, but this guy is an offensive machine. It’s possible the NFL hasn’t seen another player in the last decade get as hot as Rodgers is right now. He has the Packers at 8-0, is leading the league in touchdowns (24) and is coming off a four-touchdown no-interception performance against the San Diego Chargers. With 2,619 yards and 24 TDs, Rodgers is the first player with at least 2,600 passing yards and 24 passing TDs in the team’s first 8 games of a season.

Defensive Player of the Year – Jared Allen, Defensive End, Minnesota Vikings

It seems like this guy never stops. On the year, he’s got 12.5 sacks, three forced fumbles and an interception. Despite playing on a terrible team, Allen continues to dominate while pushing to break Michael Strahan’s single-season sack record.

Rookie of the Year – Cam Newton, Quarterback, Carolina Panthers

Hi haters. Bye Haters.

Joke of the Year – The New England Patriots defense

As the Patriots continue to seem less and less superhuman and more and more beatable, people will point fingers at Tom Brady. Well, those people will be wrong. The Patriots defense is ranked dead last in the NFL, allowing 416 total yards of offense a game. It’s one thing if your offense can’t get off the field, but the Pats are averaging 437 yards a game on offense (third best in the league). They’d be undefeated if their D could hold it together.

Fantasy Let Down of the Year – Chris Johnson, Running Back, Tennessee Titans

CJ has found the end zone once this year and has only gone for 100 yards one time — against the Cleveland Browns. People remain optimistic he will turn it around, but I’ve given up. He was my first-round pick. C’mon man!

Surprise of the Year – The San Francisco 49ers

After the NFC West Championship hype last year, the 49ers started 0-5 and finished 6-10. The team lost its coach and its staff and kept a franchise running back and a mediocre quarterback. After bringing in Jim Harbaugh to lead the troops, they’re 7-1 for the first time since 1997 and have “Super Bowl contender” written all over them.

Free Agent of the Year – Terrell Owens, Wide Receiver, Nobody

One of the only players to ever televise a workout, T.O. couldn’t draw a single team scout to his attempt at drawing some interest in his rebuilt knee. He did look good though, and despite his torn ACL and troublesome personality, he did have 983 yards and nine touchdowns last season. If somebody would take the chance, he could be a nice weapon to have.