In America, we like sports. Sports are fun. Sports are gripping. Sports are heartbreaking. Most importantly, sports are the ultimate excuse to drink beer.
But some beers are more fitted for watching sports than others. Here’s your guide to drinking beer like a sports-loving American.
As a general statement, there are only two situations in which drinking beer produced outside of the U.S. is acceptable.
Guinness is exempt on St. Patrick’s Day, and Canada’s only valuable export, Labatt Blue, is exempt while watching hockey. Otherwise, imported beer does not exist. Corona is for country-loving college students at Kenny Chesney concerts, and European beer is for European people. There’s a reason that nobody trusts the guy at the Super Bowl party drinking a Stella Artois.
Let’s move on. Consider this scenario: It’s a Saturday afternoon in September, and your favorite college football team plays in an hour, so you head to your local beer distributor to grab a case. What do you buy? That depends on a few factors, one of which is geography. As Pittsburgh residents, we all have a free pass to drink Iron City despite its mediocrity — the only stipulation is that we pronounce it properly: “Ahrn City.” Rolling Rock and Yuengling are two solid local alternatives.
Another factor in choosing a game day beer is cost. As a college student, I can attest to being perpetually broke. If I could afford to drink Samuel Adams every weekend, I would, but the current state of my bank account barely allows me to eat two meals per day.
Fortunately, there are plenty of good, cheap beers out there to make sports more enjoyable, the most popular of which are Budweiser, Miller Lite and Coors Light.
Of these popular brews, I recommend Miller to boost your status among your football-loving peers. Drinking Budweiser suggests that you’ll be checking the NASCAR Sprint Cup standings at halftime — not that there’s anything wrong with that — and Coors Light makes you a suburban dad.
Sadly, if you’re like me, beers like Miller Lite and Bud Light are a treat. Though they might be affordable, it breaks my heart to spend more than $20 on a case of beer. But God gives blessings to the poor, and one of these blessings is Busch Light.
Busch Light is undoubtedly the best beer to drink while watching sports and is also the best beer to drink while doing anything else. Except driving. Don’t Busch and drive.
Drinking Busch is affordable, delicious and American, and it is unscientifically proven to will your favorite team to victory. Busch Light is a culturally relevant brew, too. It sparked a music career for the previously unknown Meghan Trainor, whose hit single “All About That Busch” was one of the biggest songs of 2014.
But don’t just take my word for it. Paul Griffith, a Pitt graduate and friend of mine, recommends a daily dosage of Busch Light. “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so you need to make sure you get a healthy serving of grains from Busch,” he said.
Unsurprisingly, Griffith is not a medical professional.
But, again, the best part of Busch Light is it’s economical.
Depending on which beer distributor you choose, a 30-pack will run anywhere from $16 to $20, making Busch Light one of the cheaper beers on the shelf. Some say this is warranted, classifying it as “college beer.” These people are haters and not Americans.
So if you’re looking for a quality case of beer to drink this weekend, remember to stay American. And, when in doubt, remember to be all about that Busch, ’bout that Busch, no Natty.