You probably think you know the gist of ole St. Patty’s Day — shamrocks, wearing green, Ireland, all that jazz. But there’s more to it than that, historically. We did our research this week and dug up a few lesser-known facts about St. Patrick’s Day, some also revolving around shamrocks, wearing green and Ireland, but with a bit of a twist. Please don’t fact-check us on any of these.
This is the reason we annually turn city rivers from brown to green. This miracle also acts as a reference to Jesus turning water into wine, but you tell us which one seems more miraculous.
The more you know! Feel free to use this fact as a pickup line tonight.
Can you believe it? He just kinda freaked out and went overboard. We think everyone can understand though. How would you react if you saw a fanged, boneless assassin slithering through the grass for the first time? He almost did the same thing when he first saw a squirrel. What a holiday that would be.
None of us have ever been there and we’re just a bunch of ethnocentric millennial Americans. We’re more inclined to believe in the lost city of Atlantis before Ireland. All those pictures of lush green fields? Could be Portland. We’re not convinced.
But one color-blind guy messed it up back in, like, 1780 and now everyone just wears green.
Well, normally we would be mad at McDonald’s for such a crime, but those shakes are a gift to us all, so who are we to complain?
For hundreds of years, the Irish worshipped the holy trinity, the Jonas Brothers. Every so often, a four leaf clover will appear — that’s just Frankie, the Bonus Jonas. I’m pretty sure they’re part Irish.
Because people who aren’t wearing green on St. Patty’s Day are living the dream of not celebrating St. Patty’s Day and therefore must be swiftly pulled out of their reverie.
You’d be surprised by how many cultural dance traditions originated from the sheer instinct to survive. Don’t get us started on clogging.
It’s a scam, sure, but that old lady and her entire family are filthy rich now. What’re you going to do? Con women gonna con.