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Top 10: Silhouettes We Should Have Written

The Pitt News

Top 10: Silhouettes We Should Have Written

By The Pitt News Editorial Board and Pitt Tonight

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Our Silhouettes Preview came out this week, and if you picked one up, you got the chance to peek into the lives of ten members of the Pitt community. From Ricky Smith, the nighttime security guard in Holland with an uncanny ability to make anyone smile, to Sid “Frenchi” Ali and his iconic South Oakland deli, we can’t wait for you to see the rest of the profiles when they come out in magazine form on April 13. In the meantime, however, we’re having a few regrets. Here are the top 10 silhouettes we should have written:

  1. Dippy the Dinosaur

He’s a large dinosaur. He hangs out all day outside the Carnegie Library, and he’s always appropriately dressed for the weather. We know he’s got some good stories to share.

  1. Whoever puts the scarf on Dippy the Dinosaur in the winter

What exactly does that job entail? Do they just break out a ladder whenever the temperature drops to a certain degree? How do they know what Dippy will like? Was there an application for this job? How do we apply? These are answers you guys need.

  1. Those new elevators at Cathy that don’t have any buttons

Those suckers will get you to the top at record-making, eardrum-popping speeds. What exactly is the algorithm there that can divvy up who is going where in what elevator? We think there’s a mathematical genius somewhere inside those elevator shafts, and we want to know their secrets.

  1. The cashier at the 24-hour Rite Aid with eyes the color of a deep ocean that we could totally just, like, drown in

He never judges our 1 a.m. purchases of ice cream, peanut butter and a bag of candied almonds. Also, he has a ponytail, and he probably, definitely plays guitar in a really cool band no one’s ever heard of. He just seems mysterious, you know? Like he’s seen things.

  1. The Digital Plaza

Oh, the public art embarrassment that people love to hate. The tales it could tell might mirror more storied antiheroes, such as Severus Snape, Tyrion Lannister and The Dark Knight. It’s truly the community art project we deserve but not the one we need right now.

  1. One of the dogs from therapy dog Tuesday

Honestly, this one isn’t even a joke. We talked about doing it this year but didn’t have the funds to purchase a GoPro we could strap to their little collars. We’re planning, though — stay tuned.

  1. The Yellow Sculpture Outside Posvar

The sculpture is actually titled “Light Up” by American artist Tony Smith. But people call it all sorts of names: a giraffe, a two legged stool, a great place for members of an underground collegiate society to meet late at night — we just want to know what the sculpture actually wants to be called.

  1. An entire pizza dropped on the sidewalk outside Sorrento’s on a Saturday night

This life is too brief for too many of us.

  1. Our upstairs neighbors that are apparently running an at-home, 24-hour aerobic studio

They better have one hell of an excuse for keeping me up before every important midterm I’ve ever had.

  1. My father

I don’t think he’s particularly interesting, and he didn’t go to Pitt, but I haven’t seen him in a few years and would like some help tracking him down.

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Top 10: Silhouettes We Should Have Written