Editorial: Top 10 things Pitt students are doing to prepare for break


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According to the National Institute of Health, 65% of the human population is lactose intolerant by adulthood.

By The Pitt News Editorial Board

  1. Thanksgiving break is upon us. Next week, Pitt students will be able to scream into the void of their hometowns rather than the void of South Oakland, and we couldn’t be more excited for a change of scenery. And to have no responsibilities. But before we leave for home, there are a few things we need to take care of. These are the top 10 things Pitt students are doing to prepare for break.
  2. That mountain of laundry

You wanted to skip a week of laundry and bring it home over break so that your mother could do it for you. As it always goes, you didn’t quite make it. It’s all fun and games until you run out of underwear.

  1. Get our grades up

There are two kinds of fear. They go as follows: when you leave your sweet potatoes in the oven all day, and when you realize there’s only one more week of class after Thanksgiving break.

  1. Final papers

Because we know we’re not going to be researching plants and Candide while we’re lounging at home, we’re trying to write our final papers — which are due the week before finals week — now. And shockingly, it isn’t going well.

  1. Buy train tickets home

As if procrastinating the final papers isn’t enough, we also procrastinate buying transportation home. We’re heading home tomorrow. It might be time to buy a train ticket. But living on the edge adds spice to our bland pre-finals lives.

  1. Try to find a ride home

Except now, some of the train tickets are three times the price they were a week ago. Now we’re trying to find someone willing to give us a ride. The next step will be hitch-hiking. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that, although the adventure would make for an entertaining final paper for that writing gen ed.

  1. Use up Market swipes

We swiped all of our senior friends into Market for Market Thanksgiving, but we still have 64 remaining swipes. Perhaps it’s time to burn the midnight oil in the dining hall instead of Hillman.

  1. Find a Tinder date

Because honestly, we’re just sick of relatives pestering us over our lack of love lives.

  1. Change the bedsheets

We know you haven’t done it since you moved in.

  1. Cook an edible meal

The week before break is a great excuse not to go grocery shopping — we have to use up perishable food items that are already in the fridge. Specifically, we have to find a way to cook a meal from half a ball of mozzarella, an orange and a third of a jar of olives.

  1. Finish the milk in the fridge 

Thanksgiving break is only a week long, so many of the drinks in the fridge will remain safe to consume until we return. Except for the milk. And sure, we could just drink soy or almond milk — which have a much longer shelf life — but who wants to do that? As the saying goes, “Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one’s courage.”