Pitt sports teams as past partners


TPN File Photo

Pitt men’s basketball has repaired Pitt fans’ relationship with our athletic teams.

By Stephen Thompson, Assistant Sports Editor

College is a time where many people break out of their shells and start to date a wide range of people. And on Pitt’s campus there is a wide variety of partners to choose from. One might even find themselves tied up with an athlete.

But what if those athletes personified the teams they play for? Well, you might be in for the same disappointment.


Pitt football was your first. The O-Week high carried through the first week of class and led that first weekend foray in South Oakland. As a young, naive first-year, you couldn’t wait to finally step out into your first weekend at Pitt. There was a novelty to campus when you first arrived, even if in the light of day it wasn’t the prettiest place you’ve ever seen.

One weekend you met Pitt football in a dingy basement while trying to link back up with your two friends — coincidentally the only people you knew on campus. But Pitt football was there to help orient yourself. They made you feel like, for the first time, like you were really in college.

You went home with them, not realizing that when they said they lived off campus, they really meant off campus. It was a hike.

Nevertheless, it was a nice place. Big, but nice. It did feel strange because they didn’t really have enough furniture to fill such a big apartment, though their roommate seemed to fill out their space just fine.

He kept going on about how great his old apartment was and how much fun it was to live closer to campus.

“People would come by all the time back when we were on campus,” he said. “It was so much better being in Oakland.”

They showed you some pictures and to be honest, it looked like a dump. But hey, it would have been nice to not have to take a bus to see them.

All in all they were nice enough, you suppose. Now if only they could last a full four quarters.


Because football ended up being kind of a dud, you turned to volleyball. You met them in class — their reserved, quiet personality kept them anonymously tucked away in the back of the classroom.

That’s where you like to sit too, and thank god, because you needed them. Volleyball was patient and tolerated more than enough of your dumb questions.

“Why are they wearing a different colored jersey? Why don’t they just spike it that hard all the time?”

As you started to introduce them to your friends, they see how special volleyball is too. Now all you can talk about is how great volleyball is and when you guys will take the next step.

As December rolls around, you pop the “what are we” question and volleyball is wildly confident about your direction as a couple. You two are excited to reach that next round of your relationship.

Then all of a sudden, everything collapses. You should have seen this coming. Every time you get invested, things fall apart. You lose them after a trip to Cincinnati.

The anger subsides and a few weeks later, you try to convince yourself that volleyball was a fun fling and you didn’t really care, but you’ll be back. You can’t resist a winner. When football lets you down again next fall, you’ll come running right back and you know it.

Men’s basketball

As basketball season rolls around, the cuffing season begins. You’ve settled in with a more serious partner, Pitt men’s basketball, who you’re able to see more than once a weekend. It’s a big step up from your late-night booty call every other weekend from the fall.

The one problem, though, is that they’re a work in progress. They struggled through an empty relationship with their older ex and have had a hard time getting over him. Pitt basketball was in a bit of a slump before you met them.

Their friend who transferred to Oregon State a few years ago had a big hand in setting up Pitt basketball with the first messy relationship, and now basketball’s had trouble trusting again.

But you just want them to get over that. You see a good person and since you two have been together, their grades are better, they surround themselves with better friends and their, um, performance has been better.

After all your previously disappointing encounters, could this be the one? They’re dedicated and driven with passion and a plan for their future that inspires hope. You’re encouraged by your love life for the first time in who knows how long.

Although, you should focus on yourself. Because if track records are any indication, you shouldn’t come to expect much from a romantic relationship or Pitt sports.