Since face coverings are required on campus, Pitt took the liberty of purchasing a Pitt-branded face mask for every student and employee. Not that we’re planning on entering any face mask beauty pageants, but if we hypothetically were to enter, we wouldn’t make it past the first round. The Pitt News Editorial Board has taken the liberty of coming up with 10 alternative face mask patterns that Pitt should distribute instead. 

10. Flex@Pitt Logo

Let’s be honest, after the first week of classes, the only thing “flexible” is the material of the face mask. 

9. Test Microphone?

No, we do not want to “test microphone” because our class started two minutes ago. Also, we don’t really care if the microphone works. You’d think Zoom would get the hint after 128 meetings, yet here we are. 

8. Sparknotes of Bonner’s Emails 

Thank you for being responsible. Except we have had a disappointing number of reports of students violating health protocols. There was no way to see this coming. Do better or we’ll have to shut down. But at least you already paid tuition. Hail to Pitt! 

7. The big yellow arch between Hillman and Posvar 

Nobody, not a single person, actually knows what this is. But it’s a staple of Pitt’s campus, and we’re trying to answer a dire question — do you walk under this piece of modern art, or around it? 

6. The 54 Bus

This bus is scheduled every 30ish minutes, but it actually comes about once every hour at random intervals. Scheduled to arrive at 11:56 a.m.? It might come at 11:54 a.m., or it might come at 12:03 a.m., or it might not come at all. Stay mysterious, 54. 

5. Trix Milk photo

A while back, an infamous photo of Pitt Dining’s Trix Milk circulated the internet. It is exactly what you think it is. Milk flavored by Trix cereal. It’s basically a metaphor for the campus experience right now. If you want the recipe for the Trix Milk, you can either try to figure it out yourself, or email our digital manager Megan Williams, who runs the Quarantine Cookbook Blog.

4. The old 10A shuttle 

A wise person once said, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Pitt did not listen to this wise person and decided to change all of the 10A shuttles. The only thing we asked for were paper towels in the Cathy bathrooms and a my.pitt website that made sense.

3. The Pitt News-branded

We might only print once a week now, but we still cover everything at pittnews.com. Including your face, if we had Pitt News-branded masks.

2. Pitt Admin 

The face of every Pitt administrator that sort of knows what they’re doing, printed on a face mask. Collect ‘em all! As a bonus incentive, you get a free shelter-in-place mandate that is not tracked. 

1. Tent 

Tent masks available for certain classes where this would be useful because of the expelling of air.