You would think that after writing this sex column for two years, I would no longer be surprised… You would think that after writing this sex column for two years, I would no longer be surprised by a comment or confession, dirty or not. I’ve grown immune to the over-the-top details that people throw at me. The “too much information” rule doesn’t apply to me, and I’m OK with that. Yet, every once in a while, a friend or acquaintance will throw out something that makes me question things I thought I already had figured out.
A friend told me recently that he never really enjoys head, adding that only one girl has ever done it “right.” He actually turns it down most of the time when offered. Now, I’m not an expert on every man’s opinion on head, but I’m pretty sure that it’s common knowledge that most men would love a blowjob if offered.
The other guy present added that although he indeed enjoys a nice bit of oral sex, he agreed with the guy sitting next to him, saying that a lot of women who have performed the act don’t know how to thoroughly please him in that way.
So now the question poses: Is it true that most women suck … at sucking? Or are men just not giving us the appropriate direction? (Women receiving oral sex? That’s an entirely new column.) I mean, there are countless things to think about while “going down on” a man. Samantha from “Sex and the City” said it best: “You men have no idea what we’re dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex. And all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothin’.”
She’s right. There are a million things to think about. A person giving a man head might worry about speed. How fast or slow should it be? What is a good rhythm? There’s also hand-to-mouth ratio. Some people prefer practically no hand action involved, whereas others love every minute of it. What about the other areas that can be introduced into the equation? The testes are a hit or miss. I’ve heard from several men that they love a little tickle here or there, yet some are just too sensitive in that area of the body. The same issues arise if you make your way for the anus without knowing how your partner feels about it.
This is the problem. I believe that no man has a right to rate his oral sex partner unless he has clearly specified his likes and dislikes. Every single person, not only men, enjoys different aspects of the act. Some might prefer attention to many regions. Others could enjoy penis contact only.
It’s not hard to express your wishes. Everyone, both men and women, should open their mouths not only to enjoy sexual acts, but to share their thoughts on them, too. If you can fool around or have sex with someone, you should be comfortable enough to open up to them with your opinions. This applies to oral sex, and anything else you do sexually. If you are able to complain about it afterwards you should man up and give some direction to the map of your manhood.
This suggestion points to you, too, girls. There’s no need to be mean. Try saying something like, “Baby, I love it when you (insert verb).” Or, “It feels sooo good when you (verb).” It’s like a sex mad-lib. Easy as pie.
If this partner means anything to you, he or she deserves to know what’s up down there. Give him or her the chance to show you the talent he or she really has. Everyone naturally has skills in the bedroom. But this world isn’t some miracle real-life version of “What Women Want” where we mere mortals can hear the thoughts of everyone around us. Therefore, verbal confirmation is required if you want the experience to end up a success.
Come on … it’s Valentine’s Day. The best present you can give to your partner, and to yourself, is a trip down the road to open communication in the bedroom. The result will be amazing, and it’ll last a lot longer than a dozen roses.
E-mail Leah at [email protected]