Trimble: Too bold to get into the bedroom?

By Leah Trimble

Just when I thought for sure that men had lost their gutsy side and were too afraid to say… Just when I thought for sure that men had lost their gutsy side and were too afraid to say what’s on their mind to women, I heard about a phenomenon — or perhaps an egregious failure.

After her night class, a friend of mine went for a late dinner with a guy friend of hers. Although she had already experienced his sarcasm and bold behavior, she wasn’t expecting the curveball he threw at her: While deciding what to do after dinner, he bravely asked, “Hey, do you want to, like, go back to my place and make-out for an hour or so?”

As anyone with a smidgen of social awareness would react, she was dumbfounded. Before she could even think of how to reply, he added, “I just thought I would go for it and not play games.”

At least he didn’t try to lure her with sweet talk. She graciously responded, “Well then, if we’re going to be honest, I don’t really feel like it. And if we make-out for a long time and not have sex, then I don’t want to be a tease. I’m not really into playing those back-and-forth games.”

Maybe she was the one who was too honest, but he also thanked her for not lying. Maybe she felt refreshed at his frankness, but is that really what she wanted? I don’t think so.

If men who try to smooth-talk women into their bedrooms aren’t getting the point across enough, and this guy was just too honest, what is a guy (or girl, for that matter) supposed to do? How bold is too bold? I mean, what happened to a little bit of mystery, while still being clear about what you want?

Every girl has had to deal with the guy who is either trying to work with the cheesiest lines he has or is so conceited that he thinks one request alone will cause a girl to rip off her clothes. Are these practices really the only thing we have to work with nowaday?

Behold a prime example: One night at a house party, a close friend of mine pulled me into the bathroom to vent. Apparently, a guy she didn’t know introduced himself soon after we had arrived. They chatted a bit, but no sparks flew, and invariably the conversation deflated into drab discourse. They quickly parted. Later that night, though, he resurfaced and asked the pivotal question: “So, you wanna come over and hang out?”

Did he really think she was that naïve? Ladies, are we making it that easy? She immediately, bluntly reminded him of reality. She made it clear that he’s not getting laid tonight. Well, at least not by her.

How about putting in a little effort, boys. This isn’t work, but show some attempt and try to enjoy the chase. If you’re too lazy to even throw the girl one compliment, you can make a date with your computer because that’s the only place where you’ll be seeing any women tonight.

At the same time, if I spend all night talking to you and ignore the other guys there, make a move. I’m not wasting my night talking to you about your boring major and what sports you thought you were good at in high school to give you a one-arm hug in the doorway when the night’s over. Now don’t expect every woman out there to put out the first time you talk to her, but a kiss would suffice. A little confidence goes a long way.

Same thing goes for you, girls. No one wants to meet another tease. Don’t just kiss someone for two hours, grope him a few times, agree to go back to his place and then cry to him about your ex-boyfriend. Believe it or not, guys get nervous about making the first move. When they are finally on their way to being successful, you shooting them down is an even bigger kick in the crotch than if you would’ve declined from the get-go.

On the other hand, most guys aren’t desperate enough to get with a girl who’s already been with two other people that night. If you are going to work with the chemistry, though, most men appreciate a taste of gutsy initiative on part of the woman. I’m not saying to scream across the room, “Hey, you’re hot! Wanna have sex!?” But a subtle little whisper in the ear with your sexy voice — you know which one I’m talking about — should get him going.

Initiation without being a dirty skank is a big plus. So know what you want and be confident about it. But please, don’t think you can ask someone to make-out with you. C’mon now. This isn’t middle school.

E-mail Leah at [email protected]

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