Movie presidents reflect the real deal

By By Tom VanBuren

We only have one week to go before what will arguably be the most important election of our… We only have one week to go before what will arguably be the most important election of our lifetimes, but the polls indicate that some Americans still haven’t decided who to vote for. The candidates have said nearly everything they can say ‘mdash; undecided voters are clearly just hoping that one of them crashes and burns before Election Day, like the people who only watch NASCAR to see someone do an impromptu barrel roll at 190 mph. ‘ ‘ ‘ But unless Sen. Barack Obama openly confesses that he is, in fact, a Manchurian Candidate, or Sen. John McCain just starts decomposing, the undecided few may have difficulty making up their minds. ‘ ‘ ‘ The term ‘litmus test’ is thrown around a lot on the campaign trail, so I decided to get politically scientific and offer one of my own: Which presidential nominee would be best equipped to handle a crisis of cinematic proportions? ‘ ‘ ‘ Seriously, movie presidents have it tough. Nuclear wars, earth-destroying asteroids, alien invasions that don’t just occur at the Mexico border ‘mdash; it’s tough to be a movie president. So if worse came to worse, could Obama or McCain cut it? ‘ ‘ ‘ In ‘Independence Day,’ aliens cruise in to wipe out the planet. But while Jeff Goldblum and The Fresh Prince give the mother ship a computer virus, the U.S. president is back on earth kicking extraterrestrial ass. ‘ ‘ ‘ Obama is unquestionably the better orator of the nominees, so score one for him ‘mdash; remember that killer speech the president gave at Area 51? But then, Bill Pullman’s prez is also a combat veteran who pilots a fighter plane in the final skirmish with the aliens. McCain, a fighter pilot himself, would likely be better equipped to handle this type of international crisis. ‘ ‘ ‘ A recent Moviefone.com poll of the top 10 movie presidents suggests that Americans are less concerned with aliens, however, than they are with the commander-in-chief finding sweet, sweet love. ‘ ‘ ‘ Michael Douglas ranked higher in preference than Pullman for his role in ‘The American President.’ McCain might have the advantage in this movie, too ‘mdash; like Douglas’ character, he fell in love with a beautiful young woman. But unlike Douglas’ character, he was still married to someone else at the time. ‘ ‘ ‘ Still, the popularity of this fictional president’s intimate relationship with a Washington lobbyist is a clear indication that a McCain administration would be successful. ‘ ‘ ‘ The winner of the poll was Harrison Ford in ‘Air Force One.’ Ford stars as a straight-talking president who fights back when Soviet terrorists hijack his plane. For its grizzled old commander-in-chief, a lady vice president and encouraging a healthy mistrust of all foreigners on planes, this movie scenario is clearly a McCain victory. Unlike Ford’s character, however, he likely doesn’t know how to use a cell phone. ‘ ‘ ‘ But then, not all crises can be solved with jet planes and one-liners. Look at ‘Deep Impact,’ the 1998 big-asteroid-destroying-earth movie that isn’t ‘Armageddon.’ ‘ ‘ ‘ Morgan Freeman has a supporting role as a president who solves a worldwide crisis with earnestness, diplomacy and steadfast resolve ‘mdash; qualities that we see in Obama. Want to notice something else they have in common? Go ahead … racist. ‘ ‘ ‘ Of these movie presidents, the top four in the aforementioned poll, three are notably similar to this election’s elderly nominee. So there you have it, undecided voters ‘mdash; if you’re looking for a future president who could possibly emulate a highly improbable, completely fictional scenario involving aliens, terrorists or sexy lobbyists, vote McCain. Personally, I’m more concerned about giant asteroids. ‘ ‘ ‘ Oh, and the economy.