William of Yellow

The Dutch Royal family has a message for the people of Amsterdam: Stop peeing on our palace! Since a multimillion-euro renovation of the Royal Palace in late 2011, there has been an increase of urination on said palace. Apparently, the nightlife crowd has found the buildings’ dark arches to be a perfect spot for public urination, out of sight of police. On an unrelated note, the Dutch Royal family has also asked the people of Amsterdam to cut down on the asparagus.

The commies are coming

Colby Keller is a porn star, self-described communist and a master of fine art — needless to say, his resumé is impeccable. Recently, this Renaissance man has raised $45,385 to pursue his next project — drive a van around all 50 states and film himself having sex with someone in each state. Despite his profession, Keller insists that this is project is art, not porn. Yet, to the dismay of the art community, analysts say that completing the project within all 50 states will be near impossible, considering that no one lives in Montana.

Ring pops

Arizona resident Brooklin Yazzie had a terrible Halloween this year — she lost her wedding ring that fateful night. How, you ask? She accidently gave it away to trick-or-treaters along with the rest of the Halloween candy. Authorities are still waiting for the kid who received the ring to cough it up.

Macadamia nut job

A Wichita woman called the police late Wednesday night after she found a robber in her home. But the robber wasn’t rummaging through her jewelry box — he was going through her freezer. In fact, when she found him, he was eating her cookie dough. According to the police report, the man said he was hungry and thought he was at his aunt’s house — this was immediately after police barged in and yelled at him to “Drop the dough!”