Wicked witch of Cornwall

A man in Cornwall, England, was accused of locking his wife in a shed because she refused to stop singing “Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead” after his mother passed away. Andrew Salmon allegedly kicked his wife out of their house for singing the “Wizard of Oz” tune, refusing to allow her back inside. His wife, Beverly, took shelter in the garden shed, and Mr. Salmon locked her inside. Mrs. Salmon escaped from the shed through a window and let herself back into the house, where her husband attacked her. Mr. Salmon admitted to assaulting his wife. As Glinda, the Witch of the North, said, it appears as though one witch is far worse than the other one.

Spaghetti-Oh nos

Leah Frost, a 17-year-old college student in Leeds, England, has severe anxiety when it comes to unfamiliar foods. This condition has forced her to eat canned spaghetti almost exclusively since she was a child. Frost’s mother has tried to encourage her daughter to expand her diet, even resorting to therapy, to no avail. The other foods that make up Frost’s diet include French fries, bread, cheese and sponge cake. Frost could have given Regina George some pointers on how to maintain an all-carb diet.

Salad bar fight

A senior citizen in Wilkesboro, N.C., is facing charges after she allegedly assaulted two other senior citizens at a Golden Corral restaurant. Polly Richards, 64, was waiting for a drink at the restaurant when 69-year-old Linwood Moore went around her in line to pay for his food. Richards reacted, grabbing Moore by the front of his shirt and slamming him into a wall. Richards also allegedly threw a plate of food, which hit 62-year-old Fay Cardwell in the leg. Police responded and carted Richards to jail on charges of assault and battery. This story proves that not everyone grows up.

Hold the buns

A Harrisburg, Pa., man is being charged with three counts of indecent exposure, three counts of open lewdness, three counts of disorderly conduct and three counts of driving with a suspended license after he allegedly drove through a Wendy’s drive-thru naked. According to witnesses, Kenneth Derwin Clark drove up to the drive-thru window on March 12, turned on the interior light to his car and looked down into his lap, alerting an employee that he was naked. Clark repeated the process twice on March 14 until Wendy’s employees called the police. Clark has 22 prior convictions of driving with a suspended license, according to police. In Clark’s defense, the sign might say, “No shoes, no shirt, no service,” but it doesn’t say anything about pants.