Employment Guide: Casual Fridays 9/13/2013

By The Pitt News Editorial Staff

Carried away

Wednesday morning, IT manager Jonathan Trappe prepared for his attempt to cross the Atlantic Ocean in a lifeboat held aloft by a cluster of 370 helium balloons. Trappe took off from Caribou, Maine, after waiting more than 100 days for the weather to become clear enough for him to begin his trip. If he is successful, Trappe will be the first person to cross the Atlantic Ocean in this manner. There was no report as to whether or not a stop at Paradise Falls is on his agenda.

Riding under the influence

A Colorado man was arrested in Boulder, Colo., for drunk driving and suspicion of animal cruelty after witnesses saw him blocking traffic while riding his horse, Dillon. Patrick Schumacher was taken into custody while riding his horse to his brother’s wedding in Utah. Schumacher was found with several beer cans and a pistol in his saddlebags and his pet dog, a pug named Bufford, in his backpack. Schumacher was held in jail for a few hours and was then released to continue his trek. Thankfully, Pitt students don’t make the same plans as Schumacher when going home on Saturday nights.

Spicy surprise

In New Mexico, an intoxicated man was found hidden in a shipment of red chili peppers in an attempt to enter the U.S. illegally. The Mexico native made it 100 yards over the border to New Mexico before he was found in the peppers with a bottle of tequila. The report states that he was trying to catch a ride to Chicago for unknown reasons. There was no word of whether or not the man planned to pop out of the peppers at a fiesta-themed bachelorette party.

Moose on the loose

Students attending a secondary school in Vestby, Norway, were met with a broken glass door upon arriving at school on Monday. A janitor searched through surveillance tapes from the night before in order to identify the perpetrator. After reviewing the footage, the janitor discovered that the vandals were a moose and her two calves. The adult moose appeared to have been spooked by her own reflection and charged at the door, smashing the glass. Apparently students aren’t the only ones upset that school’s back in session.

Tenacious tandem

Batman and Captain America were on duty when a West Virginia house caught fire on Monday with a cat trapped inside. John Buckland and Troy Marcum, who were dressed as the superheroes, were entertaining children when they noticed smoke coming from a house nearby. The duo, assisted by another bystander, kicked in the door and broke a window before Buckland, a former firefighter, entered the home. He emerged from the house carrying the cat away from the blaze. While we at The Pitt News applaud the duo’s heroics, we are surprised Batman would save the life of his mortal enemy, Catwoman.