The Pitt News

Toilet paper elimination on campus

Toilet paper elimination on campus

By Jeff Ahearn / Assistant Visual Editor

April 1, 2015

Cathedral fire

Cathedral fire

By TNS

April 1, 2015

Search committee to search for committee

By Abbey Reighard / Assistant News Editor

April 1, 2015

Editor's Note: This story is satirical.University administrators are currently seeking members to join a search committee that will then search for members for the search committee that will then search for Pitt’s next Dean of Students. Pitt spokesman Ken Service is calling the committee the “Dean...

Green is the new brown: Pitt to eliminate toilet paper

Green is the new brown: Pitt to eliminate toilet paper

By Lauren Rosenblatt / Staff Writer

April 1, 2015

Editor's Note: This story is satirical.Student Government Board, along with student groups, plan to wipe away the most ruthless enemy of Mother Nature: toilet paper.At Tuesday night’s SGB public meeting, three environmental organizations said they plan to regulate the amount of toilet paper students ca...

Pitt to offer room service

Pitt to offer room service

By Dale Shoemaker / Assistant News Editor

April 1, 2015

Editor's Note: This story is satirical.Market To-Go? How about “Market To-Go-and-come-to-you-while-you-rot-away-in-a-twin-XL-bed?”For students living in on-campus housing, Panther Central will now be on call to deliver room service seven days a week, spokesman John Fedele said in a press release F...

Hot damn: Gallagher burns Cathy for insurance money

Hot damn: Gallagher burns Cathy for insurance money

By Dale Shoemaker / Assistant News Editor

April 1, 2015

Editor's Note: This story is satirical.Chancellor Gallagher, after almost a year spent focusing on Pitt’s financial stability, let his previous financial plans go up in smoke.Gallagher told sources that his new idea was “fire” and “too hot, hot damn” before purposely starting a grease fire ...

Fantasy panel sparks imagination at Pitt

By Mark Pesto / For the Pitt News

March 30, 2015

After 10 years, Pitt students are still letting their imaginations run free. The Fantasy Studies Fellowship, an undergraduate book club dedicated to the analysis of fantasy novels and films, celebrated its 10th anniversary last Friday by holding a conference on Tolkien and Modern Fantasy in the Cathe...

Hail to the chief (of staff): Kathy Humphrey, vice chancellor and chief of staff, talks her new job and her vision for Pitt

Hail to the chief (of staff): Kathy Humphrey, vice chancellor and chief of staff, talks her new job and her vision for Pitt

By Dale Shoemaker / Assistant News Editor

March 26, 2015

Kathy Humphrey has moved on — and moved up. Until January of this year, Humphrey was Pitt’s vice provost and dean of students. Chancellor Patrick Gallagher promoted her not long after winter break to senior vice chancellor and chief of staff. The Pitt News sat down with her and Ken Service, vice cha...

Joe Sestak walks campaign trail to Pitt

Joe Sestak walks campaign trail to Pitt

By Nerine Sivagnanam / Staff Writer

March 26, 2015

Joe Sestak is walking in Pennsylvanians’ shoes on the campaign trail — literally.As part of his campaign for the U.S. Senate, Sestak is walking across Pennsylvania and making stops in several towns and cities along the way. Sestak arrived in Pittsburgh on Wednesday night and made several stops T...

It’s complicated: Pitt discusses teacher-student relationships

By Emma Solak / Staff Writer

March 26, 2015

A Pitt student walks into a bar. A Pitt professor walks into the same bar. The two have never met, and after a few drinks, he invites her out for dinner. It sounds like the start to a bad joke, but under Pitt policy, this romantic invitation is completely acceptable.Last month, Harvard implemented a n...

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