Don’t dismiss implicit sexism

It’s a Sunday evening and I’m just finishing up my dinner, about to head to a friends apartment to watch an award show. I get there to find my friends playing whatever video game they’re obsessed with that week.

“Two more rounds, then we’ll turn the show on,” one claimed. They go through two rounds, failing to save the president or kill enough Russians or whatever the mission might have been.

“Okay if we don’t make it to the checkpoint this time, we’ll turn the show on,” said Player 1.

Player 2 yelled back, “What does it matter? The show hasn’t even started yet, it’s just the red carpet.”

“Oh hell, nevermind that. We can play for a while then,” said Player 1.

I protest. “But I want to see the shoes!”

Big mistake. My insignificant plea slipped out of my mouth before I even had time to think about reading my audience.

The room erupted in laughter and the boys proceeded to mock me for the next 20 minutes, repeating what they thought to be a spot-on impression of a somewhat shallower and flightier me, all the while continuously yelling at the television about their video game mishaps. I sat there and rolled my eyes.

Don’t get me wrong here — I can take a joke. And I’ve aimed plenty at each of them in the past.

What really bugged me about this whole interaction, even weeks later, was that it got me questioning myself.

Why did I care about seeing the shoes? Was I being shallow? As soon as I showed an interest in fashion and style, did I suddenly drop IQ points, become less interesting and altogether lose my qualifications to hang out with my male friends?

The answer to these questions, of course, is not about the shoes. It’s about feminism and why we desperately need it.

A big problem with prejudices like racism and sexism is how people refuse to acknowledge the way they work in our society in an unconscious and systematic manner. While sexism is blatantly obvious when someone supports the subordination of women, an equally damaging belief is one that doesn’t acknowledge more veiled and implicit sexism and doesn’t understand the need for modern-day feminism for both women and men.

Women need feminism. Men need feminism.

Like the annoying little sister of racism, we’re all equal on paper, but when it comes to how that plays out in real life, the disparities exist everywhere — if you open your eyes to seeing them.

No one questions whether your 80-year-old grandfather who proudly displays a Confederate flag and carelessly uses racial slurs is racist or not. Likewise, no one argues if that political commentator who believes women shouldn’t have the right to vote is sexist.

Body shaming women, condemning an overly emotional response or chalking a bad mood up to it being “that time of the month” are all examples of sexism that occur casually in the workplace, the classroom and in college apartments.

Similarly, dismissing complaints of everyday sexism and disregarding feminist perspectives are both offspring of and contributors to this patriarchy-dominated society.

And while our traditional definition of feminism is a call for equality between the sexes, there’s a bit more to it than that. There’s a reason it’s not called humanism or egalitarianism — women and femininity are the side of the coin that is underprivileged and disadvantaged and thus, feminism illustrates the need to bring the idea of femininity to an equal position to that of masculinity.

The fact that I felt guilty and began to second-guess my love for shoes is a perfect example of how this works in our culture. Things that are associated with being feminine — anything from shoes to the color pink to showing simple compassion and tenderness — are likewise associated with being weaker and more trivial.

I, as a woman and a feminist who knows better, still found myself feeding into the idea of showing interest in something feminine, like shoes, being far less important and meaningful than a masculine pursuit, like playing video games.

Likewise for boys who may like to cook, or dance or play with dolls, feminism is just as important to them.

It can be hard to recognize when we are falling guilty to these sexist traps because they are so ingrained in our culture.

It’s not about controlling every unconscious thought that floats through your head. We are all inherently prejudiced by nature of the way we’ve grown up exposed to media that perpetuates these ideas.

The key is in recognizing these inherent biases and working to understand where they come from and how we can change them.

So the next time my guy friends make me feel like the vapid being I’m not, I’ll question them — not myself.

Write to Amber at aem98@pitt.edu