Five early MLB exaggerations

In April, hyperbole and overreaction in the baseball season are as common as a rain shower.

But, a week in, I feel confident enough in asserting these five takes as absolutely, 100 percent correct. One week’s worth of games is more than a sufficient sample. There is no way any of them will ever prove incorrect.

TREVOR STORY IS THE GREATEST BASEBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME: Forget Bonds, Gehrig, Williams, Ruth and DiMaggio. The Colorado Rockies’ rookie shortstop Trevor Story has hit seven home runs in his team’s first six games. None of those other guys have done that, therefore, Story is better than them. Story’s first week has also guaranteed that he should win the National League MVP, Rookie of the Year, Silver Slugger and even the Cy Young Award, because his contributions transcend position. MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred should also consider resigning and handing his position to Story — Story has earned it. At this rate, he is on pace for 189 home runs this season, meaning he’ll likely break Barry Bonds’ all-time home run record in just his fifth season. That’s just incredible.

THE PIRATES CANNOT SCORE WITH RUNNERS IN SCORING POSITION: Are two games a small sample size? I don’t think so. The Pittsburgh Pirates’ offense struggled immensely with runners in scoring position against the Cincinnati Reds, going just 5-35 in this series. This is definitely going to continue, because teams never improve in a category like this. Ignore the fact that they had 35 opportunities with runners in scoring position. They’ll never convert. Unfortunately for Pirates fans, it looks like the 5-2 Buccos are doomed.

THE MINNESOTA TWINS WILL NEVER WIN A GAME: Based on the law of averages, the 0-6 Minnesota Twins will never find themselves in the win column. Disclaimer: I don’t know what the law of averages means. Joe Mauer has one home run, the only highlight thus far for Minnesota and likely the only highlight for the rest of the season. No one in their promising core of Byron Buxton, Max Kepler or Miguel Sano will develop, and Byung-ho Park will never acclimate to the Major League game. All hope is lost.

THE ORIOLES WILL NEVER LOSE A GAME: On the opposite side of the success spectrum, the Baltimore Orioles are unstoppable. There’s no point in playing out the rest of the season — just hand them the World Series trophy right now. Pitching wins championships, and with a rotation as imposing as Chris Tillman,Yovani Gallardo, Ubaldo Jimenez and Mike Wright, how can anyone argue they don’t check that requisite? Along with pitching, their ferocious lineup is even strong outside of Manny Machado and Chris Davis — of course the slugging of rookie outfielder Joey Rickard and journeyman power hitter Mark Trumbo is tenable. 

THE NEW YORK METS ARE NO LONGER A CONTENDER: After splitting a series to the defending world champion Kansas City Royals and losing one to the lowly Philadelphia Phillies, the New York Mets have blown any chance they had of repeating as NL pennant winners. There is no way a rotation of Matt Harvey, Jacob deGrom and Noah Syndergaard and a lineup centered around Yoenis Cespedes will ever beat out the stiff competition of the Phillies, Miami Marlins and Atlanta Braves in the NL East. In fact, their current average of 1.8 runs per game will likely near zero as the year progresses.