10 inventions that weren’t mentioned at The White House Frontiers Conference

In lieu of our Casual Fridays, The Pitt News Editorial Board is collaborating with Pitt Tonight host Jesse Irwin and Pitt Tonight writers to bring to you our very first Top 10 List.

President Barack Obama and tech giants from around the country took Oakland by storm on Thursday for the White House Frontiers Conference, an event that highlighted new technology, innovations and products that could shape life for future generations.

While the conference shone an optimistic spotlight on ventures including space travel to Mars, artificial intelligence and new methods to fight climate change, several key innovations were left off of the agenda. Feeling slightly cheated, we’ve come up with the top 10 inventions and innovations that apparently weren’t good enough for POTUS.

1. Galaxy Note 7

Apparently these hot commodities weren’t allowed past security at the conference. Needless to say, we’re heated.

2. Forbes Digital Plaza

In his speech Thursday, Obama didn’t even touch this one. How could he not? It’s got everything. A TV screen, an advertisement screen, a hypnotic and an LED artistic display that plays top-40 hits and laser shows — what’s not cutting-edge about that? It’s almost exactly what being on Mars is like, probably.

3. Shake Weight

Michelle Obama should’ve been all over this. Maybe she was, and couldn’t convince her husband to shake things up. Regardless, missed opportunity.

4. Facebook Poke button

What’s better than a “Let someone know from afar that you’re virtually touching them” button? While we’ll admit that a block-all-politics-until-Nov. 9 button would be more innovative, we recognize the technology just isn’t there yet.  

5. The Wesley W. Posvar building’s architecture

We don’t see how this iconic classroom building didn’t make the cut at the Frontiers Conference. Part classrooms, part airport hangar, part labyrinth, part secret lair — Posvar’s structurally dynamic hallways and confusing-yet-enchanting, and oft-broken escalators are the epitome of hope you can believe in.

6. Vapes

These little devices have helped millions of people quit smoking and millions of teenagers look cool. Maybe he didn’t want his wife and kids to find out, but rumor has it, Obama vapes.

7. 3-D printed pancakes

Pamelas may have a run for it’s money if Obama gets his hands on one of these. Disclaimer: You do still have to mix the batter and pour it into the printer.

8. Maternity crop tops

We think these speak for themselves.

9. Bill Gates’ Omniprocessor

The Omniprocessor reinvents sewage plant treatments by taking feces and turning it into water. Seriously, it actually does that, and no one said anything about it.

10. Dippin’ Dots

This is basically ice cream for astronauts, right?