Facebook.gov: Legislating for the future

There are few institutions that people hate more than Congress. 

Congress is a deadlocked mess, fighting over everything from nominations to budgets. According to an Economist/YouGov poll from March, 65 percent of Americans disapprove of Congress, while only 15 percent of Americans approve. 

It is time to modernize and reform our ruling body that’s been around for 226 years. . Although others might have a more sophisticated solution, mine is simple: Replace U.S. Congress with Facebook users.

For one, more adults would be involved since people log into Facebook more than walk into a voting booth. Pew Research estimates that 57 percent of American adults use Facebook. That’s more than the 35.9 percent who voted in the last national election. Thus, the denizens of Facebook would make laws more representative of the United States. Sure, you might also get laws declaring a national holiday celebrating Grumpy Cat, and Buzzfeed might be the premier news organization, but more people would participate in the political process. Really, that’s all that you can ask for.

Facebook.gov would also solve a problem about which both political parties complain, but to which they both still contribute. In other words, there is no way to gerrymander Facebook. Instead of horribly misshapen districts that amplify the most conservative or liberal votes, a shift to Facebook lets the most obnoxious individuals on both sides directly affect policy. You couldn’t put ultra liberals or ultra conservatives into gerrymandered Facebook districts. So for all those who are against a skewed electorate, look to Facebook. 

With Facebook as the primary legislative body, even the casual, generally disinterested citizen can make a law, share it and then hope it passes, all with a few clicks.

This would take care of gridlock completely. Without the burdensome rules that have governed Congress for the history of our nation, popular laws could be passed in no time at all. These laws would automatically have a public forum for comment and would be far shorter than the 381,517 words that make up the Affordable Care Act. 

Of course, users enacting such simple laws might have unexpected consequences and sow chaos, but at least political pundits can say we are getting something done.

Another benefit to Facebook.gov is corporations could more easily influence legislation. 

Instead of circumventing the system with Super PACs, writing legislation and paying lobbyists, corporations could simply take advantage of Facebook’s sponsor feature and spam newsfeeds with bills they support. For example, Chevron could sponsor a bill that states “All current oil subsidies will continue for the 2016 fiscal year.” Or, alternatively, it could offer $5 to all Facebook users who vote for its bill and actually buy votes.

Admittedly, there would also be difficulties during the transition. For one, the 535 members of Congress would have to find new jobs where they could declare themselves on break whenever they wish. Shifting the legislative process over to Facebook would also mean that the same people who share satire pieces as gospel truth and loudly claim that President Obama is not a citizen will have a direct say in writing laws. However, these are minor issues that could be remedied with a few choice laws by the new legislative body.  

Replacing Congress is not a perfect idea. It would not solve the problem of voter fraud that the liberal media and academic establishment, with their studies and investigations, have repeatedly said was not a problem. It would not magically fix obnoxious grandstanding, such as the House Republicans’ 56 votes to overturn Obamacare. It would definitely not be constitutional. But it would be new, and there is nothing more American than newness. So make it happen. Go home, take out your laptop or smartphone and post all about it on Facebook.                   

Eli Talbert writes a biweekly satirical column for The Pitt News.

Write to Eli at ejt26@pitt.edu.