Top 10 Things First-Time Renters Should Look Out For

Our weekly Top Ten is brought to you by the writers of Pitt Tonight and The Pitt News Editorial Board.

1. Ghosts

If ghosts don’t bother you, set up secret cameras to videotape your roommates while they sleep and you can make the 17th Paranormal Activity sequel. You’ll rake in millions, or you’ll be arrested for invasion of privacy. Either way, it’ll make a spooky story.

2. Landlords with chain wallets

This is a pretty early warning sign, but if he offers you a good deal, you might consider shrugging off his ’90s era fashion choices instead of pointing out how it looks like he’s taking a coin-purse out for a walk.

3. Dysfunctional appliances

This is a big one. You ever have one of those air conditioners that’s like working, but you can’t really tell if it’s getting colder? You don’t want that.

4. Neighbors that have unlocked wifi settings

Even if the nearest wifi name is “Pugsfortrump,” free internet is free internet.

5. Empty alcohol bottles and other spirits (ghosts, we mean ghosts)

If you want a home that wasn’t previously run by frat guys, steer clear of the bottle graveyards. The most telling sign of a party house in Oakland is an impressive array of empty liquor bottles lining the living room mantle.

6. An underground tunnel connecting to the bank vault next door

We’re not suggesting theft or robbery. But if you ever need to take out the $0.67 you have left in your bank account, this will be very convenient for you.

7. Neighbors over the age of 30

Don’t let old people ruin the fun. They might invite you to dinner and get mad when your friends do things like accidentally stumbling into their backyards and frightening their children in the middle of the night. Gross.

8. The words “GET OUT” written in blood on the walls. Like, several walls

You know how on those House Hunter shows where the couple knows they’ve found their dream house because the paint scheme matches both of their childhood homes? This is the opposite of that.

9. My Pitt ID

Seriously, I left this somewhere a week ago and don’t have the $20 to buy a new one, so if you find it lying around, please let me know.

10. A lack of sufficient locks

Make sure your valuables don’t get stolen, like your copy of the classic Keanu Reeves action movie “Speed 2.” And if your house does get broken into, you just know you’re going to hear about it from your parents for the next three Thanksgivings.