Top 10: Things to do over spring break

Top 10 Things To Do Over Spring Break

To some, it feels like just a few days ago we were all migrating back to campus for the start of the new semester. Others are crawling toward Friday with the desperation of someone who hasn’t had a break in 10 years. Either way, spring break is finally, thankfully, upon us. Whether you’re taking advantage of the sabbatical to travel to a sun-warmed beach, to catch up on work or just to relax at home, we’re offering some alternative spring break activities in this week’s Top 10.

10. Forget all your troubles for 166 hours!

Take the week off — that’s what it’s for anyway. Your work will be in the same place on your desk when you get back.

9. Remember all of your troubles in the last two hours before the first day back

We have a hopeful feeling that if we warn you about procrastinating, you will actually keep on your toes about homework and other responsibilities. We also have an inkling of dread that warning you is pointless and the anxiety of not having done anything all break will hit you all at once in the final, fleeting moments of break. We are capable of complex thought.

8. Stay home and watch Snapchat stories of the beaches you didn’t visit

This will probably happen no matter where you are. Come to think of it, this will probably happen even if you’re at a beach of your own. Whichever destination has the best geofilter wins.

7. Finally get to the bottom of who killed JFK

The answer has eluded the grasp of conspiracy theory groups for decades. But with seven days of no academic responsibilities, there’s no telling what you’ll uncover.

6. Convince the children in your neighborhood that you’ve been gone for six months because you’re an astronaut

This one will be especially effective if you grow a long beard and stroke it wistfully while recalling the lonely, vast emptiness of outer space.

5. Visit your old high school

Whether you left your secondary education career as a well-liked class favorite or an obnoxious troublemaker, make sure to pay a visit to your alma mater’s halls again to see how many teachers’ names you’ve forgotten. For added adventure, find the spot where Sarah turned you down for prom and bask in the nostalgia of that crushing rejection.

4. Stay in Pittsburgh

You can have all the fun of spring break right here in Oakland. Better yet, go to the now-empty classrooms when you would normally have class. Practice conversations with fellow classmates and take notes based on the upcoming readings in the syllabus. This way, you’ll be more than ready to make new friends and experience academic success when everyone comes back after break.

3. Master Tai Chi, which normally takes years

Admittedly, this is probably the hardest one on this list, as mastering the ancient practice requires a depth of wisdom and understanding that eludes the casual learner. But have we mentioned how much time you’ll have? You got this.

2. Get the band back together!

Oh yeah, now is the time. Today is the day. There’s no time like the present. We’re going to make it happen. Oh man, I’m so psyched. Are we seriously doing this right now? Dude. Don’t tease me, bro.

1. Write angry letters to retired television personality Regis Philbin

That guy has had it too good for too long. After the way he abandoned us by ditching “Live! with Regis and Kelly,” — leaving us stuck with merely “The Today Show,” — he could use a verbal dressing down.