Five songs exceed musical expectations with humorous intentions

Throughout your life, you’ve probably listened to many songs and immediately thought they were the greatest songs ever. But I guarantee that this was simply hyperbole because, well, your knowledge of music history is limited.

The songs listed below are all unintentionally (and in some cases intentionally) hilarious. And who doesn’t like to laugh? Luckily, I’ve compiled a list of the five greatest anthems ever composed.

5. “All Star” by Smash Mouth

It’s rare for a musical artist to simply compliment you, the listener, through the entirety of the song. But thankfully, Steve Harwell, Smash Mouth’s vocalist, tells all of us, “Hey now, you’re an all star, get your game on, go play. Hey now, you’re a rock star, get the show on, get paid.”

In the summer of 1999, I was just an oblivious 8-year-old transitioning between first and second grade. Now, because of Smash Mouth’s kind words and encouragement, I’ve grown into a cocky college student. Thank you, Smash Mouth.

4. “Who Let the Dogs Out?” by the Baha Men

To this day, I’m not exactly sure who let the dogs out. And apparently, neither were the Baha Men.

But that’s the beauty of this timeless classic: We don’t know, but we can guess. It could’ve been a member of the Baha Men. It could’ve been a careless English citizen (the Baha Men are from London) who’s not featured in the music video. It even could’ve been a giant conspiracy by the people of Great Britain to laugh at all of us silly Americans while we tried to dance to this catchy island tune.

I think we can all agree that whoever set these canines loose was a genius with a level of foresight that the rest of us can’t possibly comprehend.

3. “Crank Dat” by Soulja Boy

I’ll admit that I’ve attempted the “Soulja Boy” dance at many high school dances. I’ll also admit that I probably can’t “crank dat” like Soulja Boy, but I’ve tried my darndest. Luckily for me and all others with two left feet, Soulja Boy created what is the simplest dance in human history.

It requires absolutely no coordination. The dance is, more or less, stumbling in either direction while barely moving your hands. This dance is simpler and more user-friendly than the Macarena, for God’s sake. Again, if you make your audience feel cooler than they really are, you’re doing something right.

2. “Higher” by Creed

Ah, that voice. In my apartment, we have weekly Creed jam sessions where my roommate and I pretend that we are vocalist Scott Stapp and belt out “Can you take me higher?” over and over again. Stapp has to smoke at least four packs of cigarettes a day. There’s no other reason for a human being to have a voice that awesome. It’s gravelly, it’s masculine and it sounds like a freight train that’s coming off the tracks.

And listen, this isn’t an endorsement of smoking. Ingesting tobacco is still a bad idea, kids. But sometimes I feel like sacrificing my lungs would be a good idea so I could have a voice that angelic.

1. “Photograph” by Nickelback

The challenge of writing a music review is that human language is a cage for emotions. I can’t accurately describe how perfect “Photograph” is. Just listen to these ingenious lyrics: “How did our eyes get so red? And what the hell is on Joey’s head?”

We don’t know what’s on Joey’s head. We also don’t know why their eyes are so red. But we do know this: It wasn’t a result of Nickelback vocalist Chad Kroeger smoking any illicit substances. Someone who wrote a song that immaculate would never be corrupted by the devil’s herb.

Kroeger isn’t asking you if you want to look at his photograph of him with red eyes and Joey carrying an unknown entity on his cranium. He’s demanding it. And that’s why Nickelback is greater than every other band ever created. Even The Beatles. Yeah, I said it.

Write Pat at pdm10@pitt.edu.