Pitt 225: We landed a man on Mars: Why am I still waiting for a printer?

I’m sick of waiting for all of you. The situation on this campus is deteriorating. It’s getting out of hand. Last week, I had to wait an hour in the computer lab.

Yes, an hour, just to use the 3-D printers. I couldn’t believe it. It’s 2037, and all our advanced technology still hasn’t discovered a more efficient way to print. Even with the advent of Google Goggles and wireless electricity and 3-D monitors and inkless printers, there was still a line out the door at noon when my column for Pitt’s 250th Anniversary Edition was due at 12:30.

As I waited, I tried to guess how long I’d be there. I spied a student playing 3-D Tetris in the corner of the lab, and another student telling her computer to organize her digital planner. In fact, as I looked around the lab, I saw very few students typing or speaking any work or printing anything at all. C’mon guys, I had stuff to do. My wait would take me past the deadline.

I took out my phone to call my mom to try and eat up some time. She graduated from Pitt 25 years ago, so I thought she’d understand my annoyance with these tech-addicted drones. I stood in line listening to her phone ring, when an idiot kid on a hoverboard swooped into line trying to get ahead and almost knocked me over. I dropped my phone, though lucky for him, the new anti-drop technology on the iPhone72 let it bounce right back into my hands.

Finally, my mom answered, and as I told her I was waiting in line at a printing lab, she was empathetic. “We had the same problem when I went to school there, and they had the same problem years before that. No matter how advanced we become, the printing lab will be crowded.” Smart words from my mom, but I still wanted to bite someone’s head off. Something needs to be done.

So, unruly youth, I demand you stop wasting my time. Follow these rules and get out of my way.

1. Get your work done early — I know there are many things to be distracted by, from 3-D television to the holograms walking down the street to robots performing on the street for some spare change after being outdated for factory work. But get your act together, put down your iPod and fight procrastination, and you’ll have a lot more time to get to the computer lab and 3-D print your work before class.

2. Avoid peak times – Most classes on campus fit into certain time slots during the week. A second of logical thinking tells you that the minutes before an hour mark during the day are going to be the busiest times, as students are rushing to class. Since “Back to the Future” (a movie from a long time ago, says my mom) still hasn’t come true, we can’t turn back time. It’s much better to get to the lab early in the morning or later in the evening when fewer classes are happening so that you’re not late. Because once you get in the printing lab line, then,, you can’t go back.

3. Keep the fun to a minimum — It’s simple. Since the University started requiring students to come prepared with quantum laptops, we all have computers at home. Much nicer ones than in the computer labs. So skip playing games, organizing your schedule, sending vocal email or whatever it is you do in the computer lab and instead just sit, print, leave and make way for those of us who have real work to do.

4. Back up your work — Just in case you get to the lab and realize that you never sent the email to yourself containing your paper, backing up your work will save you valuable time searching for it. It’s simple. Put your work in the cloud. Keep it organized, start a folder just for work that needs to be printed and save your work to the cloud. Then you can just choose what you need hassle-free, and let it rain down into the printer.

5. The main thing is courtesy — If you’re in the computer lab and you see a line starting, be aware and mindful of what you’re spending your time doing. If there’s no line, by all means do whatever you want. But if hoverboarders start swooping in and forming a line, be kind and save whatever you’re doing for later. Just a simple awareness and courtesy toward other students will help keep the printing labs more orderly.

Not to mention, if you focus on your work, maybe you can be the one to invent an advanced, yet easy, way to print quickly and efficiently. Then, possibly by Pitt’s 275th Anniversary, the printing lab problem will be gone.

Write Weisel at eaw62@pitt.edu.