Casual Fridays: Vote for your king and queen!

Young voters must shake off their apathyYouth apathy this election year runs rampant. Thousands, it appears, will not vote. Our democracy, once strong and stable, will continue its long slide into cronyism and despair.

It’s time to change. Next week, we’ll have the oportunity to vote for the 2012 homecoming court.

Yes, fellow readers, it is time we rise from our slumber and let our voices be heard. We have a historic opportunity — the chance to elect our own king and queen sovereign. Although royalty is typically only selected through divine intervention and made known through noble blood, in one week’s time, students will be given the opportunity to pick their own ruler and control their fate.

Think of the feudal peasants toiling under tyrannical King Henry VIII; woe be he who does not appreciate our present opportunity unbeknownst to these poor souls!

For those without firm grasp of the issues, the princes and princesses promise to amaze. Beasts from East and West shall be brought forth for the merriment of all — unicorns, forest nymphs, panthers, ruffed grouse, un-ruffed grouse and cymbal-playing monkeys* shall be as common as the neighborly squirrel and peregrine falcon.

Be comforted that in this election, there shall be no voter ID law with which to contend. There are no restrictions on our freedom. Not only can the ID-less vote, but so too can heretics and the unchaste; all that is needed is access to the my.pitt portal.

Most importantly, this is the only election this year in which your vote may actually matter. Our national and state elections are determined by millions. Even current leader of the secular  student government, Lord Landreneau, won his current position atop Student Government Board by 1,330 votes, out of more than 18,000 undergraduates.

With only, we assume, dozens of votes in this election, you may find yourself casting the deciding vote. What power, for a common man to select his king and queen!

Perhaps you are of the belief that just because you got to Pitt gives no king and queen right to rule over you. You say the social contract between monarch and subject was not made by you.

But lo, put down your Thoreau. Scorn your Locke. We have a monarchy to protect and uphold. Put aside your petty rationality; give in to the spectacular display of our collective will.

Last year’s king and queen, whose names have been lost to the winds of history, may have disheartened you, yes. We all clung to their easy mythology, the soaring speeches and promises of change. But don’t let that taint this year’s candidates.

We’ve no time for cynicism, for cheap loss of faith; we rise to our places, “For Pitt pride,” we saith. Make the scornful a ghost, just yesterday’s wraith, for it’s the king’s glory we ride, the queen’s wisdom ablazeth.

*Loosely based on one candidate’s platform