Wignot to pursue hip-hop career

Editor’s note: This story is satirical.

After a successful five-year athletic career in two collegiate sports, what’s a woman to do? The answer is obvious: Start a rap career.

Monica Wignot announced that she will pursue a career as a hip-hop recording artist as the encore to her athletic career. The former Panther finished her athletic career on the Pitt women’s basketball team, averaging 10 points per game and finishing third in the ACC in blocked shots. Prior to basketball, Wignot was a standout on the Pitt volleyball team, amassing more than 800 kills in her four years.

Now, she’s hoping for nothing but net in the rap game.

“Most people don’t realize that I have rhymes for days,” Wignot said. “I just need my chance.”

With her mix of intense personal reflection and piercing punch lines, the graduate student’s skills are undeniable.

“Any other rapper you can meet me on the court, when I break yo’ ankles you’ll be sure to abort,” Wignot rhymes on her hit underground track “Two Sport Rap-lete.”

A local legend who’s made her name battling in Oakland basements during the offseason, Wignot has been building a steady fan section.

“Honestly, she’s the best rapper I’ve seen in Pittsburgh since Mac Miller, and I’ve only seen her freestyle,” claimed bystander Tony Khalifa (no relation to Wiz) after a recent Semple Street rap battle. “She could be the hip-hop version of Christina Aguilera. I can’t wait for her to release some real material.”

Wignot wasn’t about to let her tremendous skill go to waste.

The native of Wilkes-Barre, Pa., said fans should know there’s a project in the works, but it could take months to drop. “Life-changing” is one way she describes the work, though it’s still unclear whether her release will be an album or a mixtape.

Whatever the medium, Wignot said there will be stylistic elements from a range of hip-hop artists from the past few decades, including Young Jeezy, MC Hammer, Rich Homie Quan, Vanilla Ice, Iggy Azalea, Shad “Bow Wow” Moss and Selena Gomez, among others.

“I really loved Lil’ Bow Wow before he dropped the ‘Lil,’” Wignot said. “‘Basketball’ from the ‘Like Mike’ movie? That was hot. And it’s something I can relate to.” Wignot also referenced Aaron Carter’s track “That’s How I Beat Shaq” as a sports-related musical inspiration.

Rumors have emerged online that a remix to 2 Chainz’s “Feds Watching” is also in the mix.

Wignot claims to have two major influences, the first being Tupac Shakur. Suspicions arose among Pitt women’s basketball fans that Wignot was a Tupac fan when she began wearing a white tied headband during games, as Shakur often donned a white bandana. Wignot confirmed those suspicions by being as ferocious as Tupac, both on the court and at the mic.

The other major inspiration for her work, though not as obvious to the public, is St. Louis-based rapper Nelly. Famous for his music and for wearing a Band-Aid on his face, the artist inspired Wignot’s clear plastic facemask as a tribute, saying, “I wore the mask instead of those Band-Aids. It’s basically the same thing.”

Aside from her muses, Wignot is keeping quiet about her upcoming work. She won’t name producers or collaborators—or even give a title to the project. She hasn’t even decided on a rap name yet, though dozens of possibilities such as “Yung Mo” and “Lil Wiggy” have been tossed around. But regardless of what we don’t know about her music, fans of the underground scene say there’s no reason to doubt her abilities.

“Nicki Minaj and Iggy Azalea should be shaking in their shoes,” Wignot said. “There’s a new queen of hip-hop in town.”