Batko: Fixing the Pitt football team

After an 0-2 start with two excruciating losses, things obviously

First-year Pitt football head coach Paul Chryst might need to change things up to get the Panthers back on track.

Bobby Mizia, Senior Staff Photographer

After an 0-2 start with two excruciating losses, things obviously aren’t going so well for the Pitt football team.

But I believe this season can still be rescued, and I’m here to propose 10 legitimate, dead-serious ways this team can turn things around.

Or I’m just going to relieve some frustration by suggesting 10 ridiculously inane ideas that would never be entertained by anyone with an ounce of football knowledge.

You be the judge:

1. Rushel left, Rushel right, Rushel middle

True freshman running back Rushel Shell only averaged 3.9 yards on eight carries in his debut against Cincinnati on Thursday night. But he looked good doing it.

And more importantly, he’s the leading rusher in the history of Pennsylvania high school football. So just run the same offense his high school ran en route to a 33-13 record in his four years there.

Rushel to the right side, Rushel to the left side, Rushel between the tackles: What can possibly go wrong?

2. Old-school wishbone formation

OK, so the Rushel Shell idea doesn’t really take into account Pitt’s other two genuinely talented running backs, does it? Fair point.

In order to get Ray Graham and Isaac Bennett onto the field as well, first-year head coach Paul Chryst should install the wishbone offense.

Not only will it maximize playing time for the bright-spots-of-the-offense running backs, but a lot of runs should also keep the clock moving and even make for a pseudo-stall tactic, which should help this team immensely.

3. Put Ronald Jones in the wildcat

Everyone loves the wildcat formation, where a team puts its most athletic player at the quarterback position.

Sophomore wide receiver Ronald Jones threw for nearly 1,700 yards his senior year of high school and has a career 462.8 passer rating at Pitt — easily the highest on the team — thanks to completing 3-of-3 passes last year for 51 yards and two touchdowns.

Need I say more?

4. More trick plays

This might sound asinine, but stay with me here.

I’m not talking about simple halfback passes — only Youngstown State can pull that off.

I’m talking fumblerooskis, hook and laterals, statue of liberties and wide receivers lining up just barely inside the lines and then sprinting downfield to catch the defense sleeping. When you’re 0-2, it’s time to pull out all the stops, especially when the defense can’t get any stops.

5. Let Kevin Harper kick from anywhere inside 65 yards

If none of these brilliant offensive innovations get the job done, there’s another very simple solution: Any time the Panthers cross midfield, just let senior kicker Kevin Harper uncork a field goal attempt.

I mean, have you seen the guy’s kicking trick-shot video on YouTube? He has an incredibly strong leg. And, quite frankly, field goal attempts are better than devastating interceptions and personal foul penalties that end drives.

6. Trade for Andre Stubbs

Who exactly is Andre Stubbs, you ask? How quickly we forget.

The mighty 5-foot-6 Stubbs posted 132 total yards and two touchdowns for Youngstown State against the Panthers last Saturday.

The Pitt offense could use his dynamic chicanery, and he would likely jump at the chance to test his talents at the Division I level rather than for an FCS team.

Stubbs, a redshirt freshman, could probably be acquired for a talented walk-on and a 2013 recruit to be named later.

7. Trade for Munchie Legaux

Being a Big East quarterback and all, Legaux might command a much higher return than someone like Stubbs.

He’s only played one game so far this season, and it was against Pitt on Thursday night, so Legaux still has to prove that he is a legitimate college quarterback.

But he looked great against the Panthers, so perhaps Cincinnati would part with him for a senior backup with an expiring scholarship and cash considerations.

Someone let the Pitt coaching staff know that the college football trade deadline is coming up fast, so it needs to wrap up these potential deals quickly.

8. Call up Mark Myers from the minor leagues

Speaking of quarterbacks — a position of need for Pitt at the moment — former Panther Mark Myers threw for 457 yards and five touchdowns for Division III John Carroll in his first start at his new school.

It appears that Myers is developing nicely there and could be ready to return to the Division I club pretty soon.

Wait, college football doesn’t work like that? Well, this is awkward. Let’s move on.

9. Prevent defense

I know what you’re thinking: All of these ingenious ideas for saving the season are great, but what about the struggling defense?

Honestly, the Panthers’ defense might be beyond saving.

So how about this: Take three defensive backs, and line them up horizontally at the goal line on every play. Sure, the other team might move easily up the field, picking up big chunks of yardage, but it’s better than allowing long touchdown runs, right?

Conceding short touchdowns is much less depressing.

10. Go for two — every time.

Thus far, touchdowns are rare for this offense.

So when the Panthers do actually get in the end zone, the decision of whether to kick an extra point or go for the two-point conversion should be a no-brainer. Maximizing scoring opportunities is vital.

Hasn’t Chryst ever played “NFL Blitz” for Nintendo 64?

Winning teams always go for two.

Got even more ridiculous ideas to help resurrect the Pitt football team’s season? Email Brian at bkb22@pitt.edu.