Kaback: Don’t bother getting too excited about going back to school

Do you have that feeling in your stomach? You know the one: it’s right between dating your…Do you have that feeling in your stomach? You know the one: it’s right between dating your best friend’s ex and your secret attraction to Justin Bieber songs. I know I have it and there can be only one explanation: school is about to start.

Now, I know that many of you may be thinking that returning to campus sounds almost as good as the Pirates returning to at least average play. But I assure you, now that I’ve had a couple of years under my belt, going back to school is awful. It’s like “being called on at a Daniel Tosh stand-up” meets “looking through internet photographs of friends who once dressed up as Joe Paterno for a football game.”

It always sounds like such a good idea. After all, we normally think about the good stuff: newfound friends, endless parties and shunning the guy on your floor that thinks Antoon’s isn’t as good as Sorrento’s. But you know what else sounded like a good idea once? “Hey Zuckerberg, we should really think about taking this Facebook thing public.”

While I usually side with House Lannister (c’mon, who doesn’t love the little guy?), I must agree that going back to school means only one thing: winter is coming. It will be so cold. The first two weeks of school are deceptive, freshmen. The leaves do look pretty for about a week after classes begin, but then they die. If the new school year means anything, it is that you had better remember to wear a coat.

All of those exciting feelings you think you have entering the first semester evaporate as soon as the first snow falls. Sure, there’s a millisecond where we all think that sledding in Schenley will be fun, but the realization of walking to class in the wind and snow gets rid of that pretty quickly. And then there’s the whole “coat at a party” debate. What do you do with it? Should I awkwardly carry it around all night or leave it in a place where it might get stolen? Ah, I might as well not go out.

Of course, returning to the classroom also means that we must re-enter the holy of holies in annoyances: group projects. Every time I see the tweets about returning to the good old 4-1-2, my soul cringes at the thought of another introductory class syllabus reading: 30 percent of your grade will be based on group work. Thirty percent? Is that some kind of Walmart rollback gimmick gone wrong?

Not only is group work worth a larger portion of my grade than the winning percentage of the Pitt football team in games that actually mean something,  I also have no control over what the other people in my group decide to do. Has any professor on the face of the Earth ever worked with other people? Have you ever tried doing a slideshow with the kid who hasn’t been to class for eight weeks?

Ultimately, people forget that outside of the shenanigans, college life primarily consists of doing schoolwork. Schoolwork sucks! Homework, essays and midterms line up like there’s free bread during the Depression. Then there’s clubs and organizations, interviewing for jobs and internships and trying to stay sane all the while.

The first week back, with its limited homework and classes devoted to the rules of the course, is certainly the best, but after that, your life is full of school at every corner. When we can manage a week without a bomb threat, we start to feel like we would do anything for summer. It’s one thing to have a work schedule, but the endless unknown about whether or not you’ve studied enough for a test drives us all mad.

OK, so maybe I really don’t think that school is that bad. I guess what I really hate about the end of the summer is that it means we’re all one year closer to the end. It brings up the scary questions about what we want to do when we grow up and how we are planning to make it all work.

There’s a world out there that’s consumed with rent payments, work schedules and where to buy groceries, and I want to be ready for it. Unfortunately, the beginning of a school year forces me to remember that there will be an end to our time at Pitt.

So my advice for you as the school year begins? Make this one count. Maybe it’s a new club that you should join or a hobby that you should take up. Pretty soon we’re all going to be staring down adulthood, and you want to be sure that there are no regrets. So stay away school year. Give me a bit more summertime.

Write Andrew at aak47@pitt.edu.