Beer Edition — Strauss: Tips for sophisticated drinking

Most of us are all too familiar with college drinks: Pepsi bottles of Bankers Club, shot… Most of us are all too familiar with college drinks: Pepsi bottles of Bankers Club, shot pitchers laced with gummy worms, $4 double whiskey and cokes. But if you’re moving away from Oakland this summer, you’ll need to know how to behave at upscale bars and restaurants.

No one loves a dive bar more than I do, but last summer I frequently found myself in downtown Pittsburgh at 5:30 p.m. on Thursdays and Fridays (and sometimes Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays) with my coworkers. That meant I had to put my pinky up and do some “Sex in the City”-style drinking. I’d always been an admirer of martinis — the sexiness of the glass, the sleekness of the drinkers (James Bond, for instance) — and I knew I wanted vodka with olives and no ice. The problem was, I didn’t know how to order it. So when I requested what I called “an original martini,” the bartender leaned in and said, “Let me help you out.” She told me I needed to order a dry (extra vermouth) Grey Goose (my favorite vodka) martini up (in the fancy glass with no ice) and olives (not a lemon twist). You can also get it dirty (with olive juice, which I personally hate) or made with gin (the classic alcohol for the drink). A Manhattan makes for an equally upscale drinking experience, as does a whiskey (particularly if it’s Maker’s Mark), sweet vermouth and bitters mix on the rocks (no matter how old I am I’ll always ask bartenders to put extra maraschino cherries in mine, the drink’s signature garnish).

If you’re into sweeter drinks, I’ve got you covered as well. I’m sure you’ve heard of the cosmopolitan — aka cosmo — a yummy blend of vodka, triple sec, cranberry and lime. Bars will have their own signature martinis as well; I particularly enjoy the pear one at Joe Mama’s.

What if your coworkers/New York City-born-and-raised grad school roommates decide it’s a beer kind of night? Needless to say, a Miller Lite or any “Lite” beer shouldn’t be your first choice. You’re much safer selecting something like a Sam Adams, Magic Hat or a local creation like a Pittsburgh-brewed Penn Pilsner.

There are five basic types of beer: premium imports like Hobgoblin, microbrews like Dogfish Head, more common imports like Stella Artois, what I like to call the all-American beers like Coors and kind-of microbrews like Sam Adams, which are a fancier departure from the all-American ales. Over the summer, my coworker gave me a crash course in beer basics. “The more bitter and tangy a beer is,” she said, “the more hops it has.” Pilsners and lagers are the lightest types of beer, which make them ideal for people who aren’t big beer fans.

What about wine? After a few networking events at The Wine Loft, I realized I needed to know more than just the distinction between “red” or “white” to order with confidence. First, the reds — zinfandel, cabernet sauvignon, shiraz and merlot are more dry, whereas pinot noir, sherry and port are sweeter. As for the whites, chardonnay, sauvignon blanc, champagne, rose and pinot gris are dry, whereas Riesling and white zinfandel are relatively sweet. Wine tends to make me sleepy, but if you’re somewhere like The Loft, ordering a merlot or Riesling is a safe choice.

What if you’re at a post-work happy hour or dining out with a grad school professor? Well, before drinks are ordered you should discuss whether or not your group wants to buy in rounds or individually. While rounds can be fun, everyone at the table trying the same drink might not be financially feasible. Remember that bargoers should always tip. If you didn’t open a tab, tip after each drink is purchased. If you do open one, leave a 15 percent to 20 percent tip on your total bill. Don’t be rude to the bartender or server by summoning him loudly or addressing them as “Waiter” or “Sir.” A normal volume “excuse me” will suffice.

Alcohol can be delightful in itself, as long as it’s enjoyed responsibly, but it can also facilitate a great deal of networking and socializing — you’d be surprised at the connections you can make over a nice pinot grigio. Don’t be overwhelmed by the real-world bar scene. Confidence is key. Order and sip your drink with assurance, and you’ll be the coolest cat in the club.

Contact Courtney at cas136@pitt.edu.