Weisel: College students should find a community

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to get together with a group of people from my church…. A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to get together with a group of people from my church. Some of them I knew well, many were just acquaintances and most I had never met before. But after spending an incredible time with them at my friend’s apartment, I felt like they were all my brothers and sisters.

When we convened for the second time and the group had doubled in size, I knew I had discovered something special in this seemingly random assortment of people. I had found support, encouragement, honesty, joy, trust and genuine love. In short, I had found community.

As I progress through college, it’s become increasingly apparent to me that a strong community is essential for survival.

We were not made to be alone. If we were, I would never be able to live in a house with high shelves and you would never be able to undergo major surgery. We would go crazy telling stories to our cats or inanimate objects. We would descend into a life without meaning, without any means of gauging right versus wrong.

By nature, we rely on other people. We need them to retrieve stuff from the top shelf, to pick us up from the hospital, to listen to our stories when we’ve had one of those weird days. Just as trees depend on the rain to grow, humans depend on each other to nourish, support and improve their lives.

Of course, the definition of community is hazy at best, and the concept means something different to everybody. For me, community is merely a group of people who share values or interests — those friends who truly believe the same things you do on a foundational level. For many people, those beliefs are grounded in religion, but they don’t have to be. The stresses of a pre-med course load or the stories English majors write naturally create a need for companionship. If you’re a member of a club — especially one that’s service-oriented — community can arise out of a shared interest in a particular career or subject.

But although this definition suffices on a technical level, my experiences have taught me that communities also need to hold one another to certain standards. Accordingly, we can’t look for community in any group of people we find on the street — it’s a relational process that requires us to evaluate friendships by the way they’re influencing us.

This can be difficult sometimes. It’s not like you can’t have friends outside of the community you’re building — don’t abandon people because they don’t fit in. But when you start associating with a particular group, be aware of who you’re depending on. If your community doesn’t share your views on life, it can’t hold you accountable for not adhering to them. When you falter — and you inevitably will — you’ll need somebody to prop you up. Sometimes this requires tough love — we all need someone to call us out. Sometimes this requires kindness — just someone to be genuinely nice to us for once.

Communities can interact in a variety of ways. Maybe the members send one another text messages every morning to see how they’re doing. Maybe they convene at a restaurant every week for coffee, or maybe they get together together every few weeks to just be in the same room with one another, to share their struggles and successes.

My community encouraged me when I was trying to decide whether I wanted to go on a mission trip over the summer. And when I knew I wanted to stay in Pittsburgh but didn’t have a place to live, they helped me find accommodations. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or lost or just plain broken down, their encouragement builds me back up again.

If you’re involved with a group of people similar to yourself, you’ll immediately notice a change in your life. You’re not meant to go through this world alone — you would be crushed by the weight of your own burdens. With community, you won’t have to depend on yourself so much and stress will be lifted from your shoulders. Find community and you’ll feel immediately relieved.

Contact Elizabeth at eaw62@pitt.edu.