Tasser’s Take: Top 10 in college football

As the latest college football season shrinks away in the rearview mirror, we can reflect on an… As the latest college football season shrinks away in the rearview mirror, we can reflect on an unforgettable year of forgettable college football with — you guessed it — a top-10 list of … well I don’t know what to call it, so here goes.

10. The meaning of the phrase “high octane” will forever be ironic in the minds of all Pittsburgh Panther football fans.

9. Andrew Luck is apparently Christ in cleats. All blasphemy aside, the Stanford quarterback was treated with such reverence by draft experts that if the guy doesn’t walk on water soon, Mel Kiper Jr. and Todd McShay will be running out of categories in which they can rate him a “perfect 10.”

8. The Big 10, now with 12 members, should not be confused with the Big 12, now with 10 members. Whatever happened to logic in this country?

7. Props to the little guys. Channeling their inner Drew Brees, lilliputian quarterbacks Case Keenum of Houston and Kellen Moore of Boise State — measuring 6’2” and 6’0”, respectively (the average height of NFL quarterbacks is 6’4”) ended their careers in possession of NCAA quarterbacking records. Keenum broke the NCAA record for touchdown passes, total touchdowns, yards and completions, and Moore became the first quarterback in FBS history to win 50 career games.

6. The commercialism of college sports was the most interesting part of that snoozefest we called a BCS National Championship Game between LSU and Alabama. Next year, instead of a subtle decal the size of a bowling ball, maybe they can insert an actual Dr Pepper can inside the crystal football. And then the Allstate guy can perform at halftime.

5. RG3 4 H31SM4N.

4. With the addition of Houston, Central Florida, Southern Methodist, Boise State and San Diego State, the loss of Pittsburgh, Syracuse and West Virginia and the flip-flopping of TCU, the Big East will henceforth be renamed the “Temporary-Stay Conference.” This is not a true fact.

3. They now have security guards stationed inside the locker rooms at Penn State University. This is a true fact.

2. Evidently body ink is a legitimate form of currency in Columbus. Also, the sanctity of sweater vests in the state of Ohio has been revoked.

1. The winner of LSU-Alabama Round 3 (if any of us could actually sit through another one) will decide who is the National Champion, right? Oh. Nevermind…