Categories: Archives

Editorial: That time of the month

A made-for-TV sequel

Mark Wilkinson must not have been familiar with the… A made-for-TV sequel

Mark Wilkinson must not have been familiar with the concept of self-fulfilling prophecies when he purchased a 16-foot cabin cruiser named “Titanic II.” As he was piloting his boat back into the West Bay, England, harbor after a fishing trip — the ship’s maiden voyage — the hapless captain soon found his vessel sinking inexorably into the Atlantic Ocean, AFP reports. Unfortunately, as James Cameron fans might have predicted, the Heart of the Ocean II could not be retrieved.

Crimes of fashion

Eighties trends are back in vogue — even, it seems, among lawbreakers. Federal authorities are on the lookout for the nefarious “Mullet Bandit,” an Ohio-area bank robber sporting an unusually long crop of hair, Reuters reports. Unfortunately, the odds of the police finding this criminal are against them: In any other part of the country such a haircut would stand out; in Ohio, it’s the perfect disguise.

Not-so-good will

Turns out you can buy more at Goodwill than just secondhand T-shirts — at least at the Fenton, Mich., branch. State police are searching for the owner of a box labeled “grandma’s urn,” which contained a capsule full of what appears to be cremated remains. Although this situation might seem macabre to some, we urge our readers to look on the bright side: This grandmother no doubt received a very discounted burial.

Extreme Zoology

One can only speculate what was running through a Washington man’s head when he entered his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend’s apartment toting a mink carcass. When the ex-boyfriend asked why he was carrying a weasel, the man allegedly responded, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a marten,” and then punched him in the nose and fled, MSNBC reports. Although the assailant misidentified the animal, The Pitt News can commiserate: We’ve had equal difficulty telling a hawk from a falcon. .

Retaking the field

Let the intrastate trash talking commence: Yesterday, Pitt and Penn State announced the two schools would renew their storied football rivalry, beginning with a game in Pittsburgh on Sept. 10, 2016. The news is exciting for a host of reasons — the match will undoubtedly draw a great deal of attention to both franchises — but more importantly, it’s a relief: We no longer have to care about West Virginia.

Pitt News Staff

Share
Published by
Pitt News Staff

Recent Posts

A look into Trump’s policies as the 47th president of the United States

In the early hours of Wednesday, Nov. 6, former president Donald Trump was elected the…

20 hours ago

College Democrats and Republicans at Pitt reflect on 2024 presidential election efforts

As the results trickle in from the 2024 presidential election, College Democrats at Pitt and…

1 day ago

Students, professors prepare for tense election night

Pitt students and professor discuss their plans for watching the 2024 presidential election Tuesday night,…

1 day ago

Guests at Dave McCormick watch party feeling “cautiously optimistic”

Roughly 250 invited guests attended a Dave McCormick watch party event on Nov. 5 at…

1 day ago

Summer Lee re-elected for U.S. Representative in PA’s 12th Congressional District

At 8:12 p.m. on Tuesday evening, incumbent Summer Lee was declared winner against James Hayes…

1 day ago

Photos: Election Day around Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh voters took to polling locations around the city on Election Tuesday, Nov. 5, 2024.…

1 day ago