Trimble: In break-ups, ‘staying friends’ is an illusion

Finish up midterms. Do laundry. Squeeze in some quick workouts to look better in your bathing… Finish up midterms. Do laundry. Squeeze in some quick workouts to look better in your bathing suit. For the most part, our to-do lists before spring break probably look the same. But some also include ditching your significant other before saying goodbye to Pitt and hello to a drink with an umbrella in it on a crowded beach.

Personally, I would never think of this as a necessity before I leave for Mardi Gras in a few days, and I’m sure many of you wouldn’t, either. Yet British author David McCandless found — after he studied 10,000 status updates on Facebook — that “people like to start spring break and, to a lesser degree, their summer vacations, single.”

As winter ends, apparently so do relationships. There is no proven reason why this happens. We can only guess that the thought of a new season, or new experiences, makes people want to be available for all that is yet to come. Who knows, maybe people want the freedom to show off their goods and everyone else wants the freedom to look or flirt without feeling guilty. Whatever the reason, if the change in temperature takes you from tied down to unattached, there are a few things you should remember when going through a time like this:

End all communication.

Anyone who has ever told you to erase your ex’s number from your phone was wise to say so. Usually partners promise to remain friends after they split, but if you think this will work, you’re absolutely wrong. I will stand by this until I die. No one — and I mean no one — who has actually been in love can withstand the hurt that comes from being around a recent ex. It’s exhausting and forces you to withhold feelings that shouldn’t be kept inside, not to mention it’s unnatural. Everyone knows it’s weird, so don’t pretend to enjoy it.

One of two things end up happening — either you detest one another or start wanting to hook up and get back together. Your mind and body are used to being intimate with that person. It takes time to break that habit. Without taking the time away from each other, that clean break won’t happen and the chances of being friends in the long run become slimmer.

If you’re worried that you’ll lose friends who have become a part of your posse, then you’ll have to find a way around it. Accept that the friends who came with the relationship might be lost forever. In reality, they’ll support the friend they were with from the beginning. Friends that were originally mutual will do their best to hang out with both of you individually. They know how hard it is and would never try to purposely make things uncomfortable. If some people don’t make the time to help ease this process or they pick a side, forget them. As always, it’s their loss. Believe me — no matter what, just freaking stop talking to one another.

Don’t put mutual friends in the middle.

This is an easy one. No matter how much you want friends to agree with you on everything what happened, don’t expect them to. Do not send messages through people, pleading them to tell you exactly what the other person said about you or the situation. And don’t expect them to pick sides or ignore the other person. If someone is a great friend, he or she will fulfill your breakup needs with ease without you demanding any sort of action.

Have fun but be respectful.

Don’t do anything to purposely spite your ex. Those of you who watched this season of “Jersey Shore,” remember when JWoWW went home and found that her dogs had been home alone for days and some of her precious possessions had been stolen. Regardless of someone’s flaws, in a relationship, there is never a need to steal or do something that extreme. If you wouldn’t do something to a stranger or even a friend, it’s wrong to do it to an ex.

Instead of letting this horrible experience become even worse, you can take precautions to help resolve it. Neither one of you deserves to endure the emotional effects for longer than you already inevitably will.

E-mail Leah at lmt45@pitt.edu.