April Fools’: Updates from the sports world

Pitt’s Mack receives hate mail

Hundreds of Pitt fans have mistakenly sent Panthers wrestler… Pitt’s Mack receives hate mail

Hundreds of Pitt fans have mistakenly sent Panthers wrestler Shelton Mack hate mail, confusing him for Butler basketball star Shelvin Mack. The 133-pound freshman emphasized that he is not, nor has he ever been, a guard from Butler.

Saddler really excited

Cam Saddler celebrated a punt return touchdown at spring practice Wednesday by holding his arms out from his sides, making airplane noises and sprinting to the 30-yard line. Several members of the defensive line reported fearing for their lives when Saddler attempted to pump up an empty row of bleachers.

Haywood joins Pitt basketball as an assistant

Pitt announced Sunday the addition of Brendan Haywood to its basketball coaching staff. He will work with center Dante Taylor during the offseason and will also host a weekly radio show in which he will emphasize that his first name is not Michael.

Burr blames watch

Maligned referee Jim Burr discovered on Tuesday that his watch runs three seconds fast. “Curse that daylight savings time,” Burr said. “It’s got me all jazzed up.”

Graham’s octane consumption dangerous, fans say

Pitt fans pleaded with football coach Todd Graham to ease off his excessive octane use. “How about, you know, we take it easy for a while?” one student asked. Octane reserves have plummeted and energy prices have soared in Pennsylvania since Graham announced that one of his goals as head coach was to teach the team to adopt a high-octane style of play.

The Pitt News sued over basketball picks

Several members of the Oakland community filed suit with The Pitt News on Thursday over the misleading nature of the sports section’s weekly “Beat the Basketball Experts” game. The plaintiffs hold that there is little evidence to support the “expert” claim.

Fuller’s dunk fuels women to win

The Pitt women’s basketball team knocked off Georgetown 77-76 on Thursday in front of a sellout crowd at the Petersen Events Center. Five-foot-8 freshman guard Yasmin Fuller threw down a thunderous tomahawk jam at the buzzer, shattering both the backboard and the dreams of the Hoyas.

Fredette wordplay illegal

The federal government issued a ban on all Jimmer Fredette puns Tuesday, ending a year-long competition for the best zinger. “Jimmer me timbers!” one Brigham Young student said in response to the new law.

Pitt baseball breaks Cost Field record in game against Ohio

Baseballs shattered the windows of 18 cars parked on Robinson Street, which runs through foul territory on the first-base side. When told of the property damage, senior slugger David Chester giggled and walked away.

Gray switches positions again

Football coach Todd Graham moved Kolby Gray to linebacker on Monday, marking the fifth position change for Gray this spring. He has also played safety, quarterback, drum major, punt returner and a minor character in the movie “Crazy Heart.”