Bond: The benefits of blogging

I used to think blogs were for attention whores. Then I started one.

Now I’m sure they’re… I used to think blogs were for attention whores. Then I started one.

Now I’m sure they’re for attention whores.

More than 100 million blogs currently exist on the good old Internet. That’s a lot of whores.

Regardless of whether or not blogs can be considered legitimate news sources or whether they represent our society’s dive into a dirty, used-Band-Aid-filled pool of amateur journalism, blogging definitely has its advantages over other writing forms. It also gives the really huge attention whores — we’re talking Kim Kardashian size, here — another outlet once they’ve become fed up with the 140-character limit of Twitter.

What are these advantages? Well, for one thing, I’ve already used the word “whore” four times in this column. I’m pretty sure five is the limit. If I were blogging on my personal site right now, I could say whatever obscene things I wanted without worrying about an editor removing my hilarious jokes about my lady parts or my bad hygiene practices.

In addition, there is no limit to how much or how little I should write on my blog. Of course, what many bloggers don’t realize is that there is a limit as to how much or how little someone is going to read. That’s why I often limit my blog posts to a title, a single sentence and a single photo. Example: Title — “The one where I’m awesome.” Single sentence body — “Oh wait, I’m always awesome.” Photo: (Insert really awesome photo of me here).

The length limits and requirements of column writing are restrictive to the writer and often wasteful of the reader’s time. This column, for example, needs to be at least 4,200-characters-with-spaces long. I could have summed up this column in only a few sentences — “My thoughts are so interesting that I feel the need to share them online in front of an approximately 200-hits-a-day audience that definitely consists of more than my 199 relatives. You should come check out my blog so I can get my 2,000 calorie serving of daily attention I require to function.”

Of course, a major plus and downfall to the “art form” is the lack of editor. Although you can post all the small-boob jokes you want, errors will make your readers doubt you even more in a forum where legitimacy is already questioned. In a cyber world where anyone can hit “publish,” you’ve got to give your readers a million reasons to stay and not a single reason to leave in order to allow your WordPress gem to rise above the other 100 million aspiring Perez Hiltons. I recommend doing this by posting lots of pictures of yourself in bikinis. Although I guess depending on whether you’ve got a figure like Rosie O’Donnell or Scarlet Johansson, that might or might not be incentive for viewers to stay.

And if you think there’s no money in blogging … well, you’re probably right. But there’s also really no money in writing in general right now anyway. And on rare occasions, people do make six-figured incomes off their sites, and some even get book deals. If I got a book deal, the title of my book would be “What are these strawberries doing on my nipples? I need them for the fruit salad.” Oh wait, that title is already taken. Google it.

Finally, publishing a blog post is instant. If you wanted, that fast turnaround time could mean breaking news before someone else does. Or it could just mean posting your ever-so-important opinion on the new Lady Gaga song.

Of course, blogs are not for everyone. If you don’t require excessive amounts of attention on a daily basis, you probably don’t need a blog. And even if you do, I’ll argue that some talent and discipline is required, even in self-publishing. You have to know enough about web stuff to be able to make your blog look aesthetically appealing — which in my case means the more pink, the better — and you also have to commit to posting on a consistent schedule so your readers know when to check for new content. If they keep checking back only to find the same old post about Snooki’s weight gain, they eventually will stop checking back.

To conclude, I’m an attention whore. Yes, had to use up all five.

If you’d like to help feed this starving, attention-deprived columnist, visit her blog at ifiwasafitgirl.com. E-mail Lexie at lexluthorbond@gmail.com.