Opinion | An introvert’s guide to saying ‘yes’

With near 100% certainty, I can say this upcoming Wednesday will be the best day of my life.

You may be asking yourself, is Anna getting married? Is she graduating three years early? Is she receiving a prestigious award? No, dear reader, it’s none of those things. I will attend a talk on Wednesday by one of my generation’s collective childhood legends — Bill Nye the Science Guy. I’ve never been more excited for anything.

My outing to watch Nye speak on climate change, space exploration and all things science is what I have deemed my Outing of The Week. You see, according to my therapist and my Myers-Briggs personality test — INFJ, if anyone is wondering — I am an obsessive introvert, so much so that I have to force myself to break out of my routine and leave my dorm at least once a week to do something fun.

All my fellow introverts understand the desire to maintain a solitary routine, day in and day out. Personally, I devote my alone time to reading, and the days that I don’t reach my page goal often get labeled as “failed” days in my mind. I sometimes get sucked into a cycle of being alone that can be really damaging — believe it or not, introverts get FOMO too.

When I realize I’ve been sucked into this lonely routine, I overcompensate by saying “yes” to every single opportunity or event I’m invited to. But as introverts, we need to learn when to say “yes” to things, and when to reserve time for ourselves.

When I came to college, it felt like everyone’s advice to me was, “Just say ‘yes’ to everything.” Join as many clubs as possible, say “yes” to all invitations, events and opportunities. This is the best time of your life, you don’t want to miss out on anything, do you? I tried that for a few months and felt not only exhausted, but unfulfilled and unhappy.

In saying “yes” to everything, I neglected my reading time and my alone time — important parts of my routine that allow me to recharge.

After this epiphany, I started saying “no” to everything. No, I need to read. No, the weather is bad. No, I just need some alone time.

But I found myself just as unhappy as when I was saying “yes” to everything. I was confused, because I was finally indulging my introverted nature — so shouldn’t I be happy? In reality, diving that deep into my lonesome habits was making me feel isolated and distant from my friends and family. It took me a long time to figure out how to strike a balance between my social self and unsocial one.

Ultimately, I realized there are certain themes of enjoyment that permeate my alone time — literature, exercising, art, learning and listening to music. So, in order to feel fulfilled in the events I’m attending and the opportunities I’m accepting, I try to say “yes” to events that have the same aspects that make me enjoy my alone time.

I say “yes” to going to bookstores, the art museum, group workout classes and the movies. I say “no” to parties, study groups where I know I won’t get any work done and events with large groups of people I don’t know. The events I say “no” to are those that I know will take a lot of my social energy and not provide me with any fulfillment.

That being said, I encourage everyone, introverted or not, to try new things. This guide to saying “yes” applies more to things you know won’t bring you joy, but are saying “yes” to it because you feel like you need to “break out” of your routine. The mindset that has helped me when making these decisions is, “Whenever you say ‘yes’ to something, you’re saying ‘no’ to something else” — thanks, TED.

Essentially, when I agree to go to an event, I know I am saying “no” to alone time that could be spent reading — a habit that made it possible for me to read 88 books last year. In that moment, I have to decide which one of those will provide me with a sense of fulfillment. Sometimes, I just need to stay home and read. That’s okay. Sometimes, I need to go out and engage with my friends. That’s okay, too. Just because I’m an introvert doesn’t mean I have to hide in my little cave of solitude all the time. And even if you aren’t an introvert, you don’t have to say “yes” to every outing. Choosing alone time is beneficial for everyone.

I’ve said “yes” to some amazing opportunities — I’m going on a last-minute trip to Canada this summer, road-tripping across the country and going to see Bill Nye. During and in between all of those amazing opportunities, you will be able to find me reading alone somewhere. And I’ll be happy.

P.S. Bill Nye, if you’re reading this, I love you and I am not a flat-earther. You can email me at ajf132@pitt.edu. Science rules!

Anna Fischer writes about female empowerment, literature and art. She’s really into bagels. Write to her at ajf132@pitt.edu.