Just say no to ‘Drugs’

“Love and Other Drugs”

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Anne… “Love and Other Drugs”

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Anne Hathaway

Directed by: Edward Zwick

20th Century Fox

Grade: C+

If anything positive can be said of “Love and Other Drugs,” it’s that its title is uncannily fitting — throughout a predictable hour and 53 minutes, the film induces a dull, narcotic stupor.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a sucker for romantic films. “Titanic,” “When Harry Met Sally…” and “The Notebook” all provoke this strange hybrid of emotions that have the power to make me both laugh and cry hysterically — but mostly just cry hysterically.

At first glance, this latest rom-com has all the necessary ingredients to provoke your tear ducts, including an emotionally scarred girl (Maggie, played by Anne Hathaway), caught in the midst of a quarter-life crisis; her eventual lover, a pharmaceutical representative and ladies’ man without a care in the world (Jamie, played by Jake Gyllenhaal); a pinch of situational humor from an unobtrusive, sidekick sibling (Josh, played by Josh Gad); and, in true romantic comedy fashion, a big twist, in the form of a debilitating, degenerative disease — Maggie’s battle with early-onset Parkinson’s disease eventually takes center stage.

Sound familiar? If you think you’ve seen this movie before, it’s probably because you have.

Remember, for instance, the Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron flop, “Sweet November”? If not, surely you haven’t forgotten Shane West and Mandy Moore’s tear-jerker, “A Walk to Remember.” Although the characters in each film have their own quirky traits — whether it’s an unfaltering dedication to Jesus Christ or a seriously eccentric lifestyle — the main premise is close to identical.

If you’ve seen either of those movies, save yourself the 10 bucks you’d spend on “Love and Other Drugs” and curl up with a good Nicholas Sparks novel — the effect will be just the same.

Fellow moviegoers, I implore you: don’t allow Gyllenhaal’s taut abs and perfectly sculpted rear to lure you into a false sense of movie security. If you do the right thing and heed my advice, you’ll wait to see the film on Netflix. That way, you can watch it from the comfort of your own Mac, on mute — you’ll get plenty of Jake, and no predictable dialogue.