Comedy fails to capture ‘Glory Daze’ of college

“Glory Daze”

Premieres Tuesday on TBS at 10 p.m.

Starring: David Guzman, Tim Jo,… “Glory Daze”

Premieres Tuesday on TBS at 10 p.m.

Starring: David Guzman, Tim Jo, Natalie Dreyfuss

D+

By college, every student should be well-acquainted with television clichés. English professors hate them ­— they’ll result in bad grades on papers.

So why would a bunch of television executives sit in a room together and say, “Hey ­— let’s make a television show about university life filled with every cliché imaginable — college students will eat it up?” I’m not sure, but the result of that hypothetical meeting is the formulaic “Glory Daze.”

“Glory Daze” tells the story of four freshmen stereotypes: Joel, the token normal kid who just wants to make some friends and stay on top of his pre-med studies; Brian, the jock who gets the girls but has some lurking daddy issues; Eli, the virginal Jewish guy who pretends he’s a ladies man — with a seriously disturbing dance to prove it, and Jason, the ambitious conservative that couldn’t get into Yale and convinced his girlfriend  — who did make it into the Ivy League — to attend Daze University with him.

Unfortunately, the clichés aren’t limited to the protagonists: there’s also the pretty co-ed that sits next to you in your first class, the creepy roommate the compatibility test didn’t prevent and even the wacko political professor that strives to “educate, not pontificate.” They’re invariably presented without any character development or even the promise of future depth.

But wait, there’s a twist: this all takes place in the ’80s!

The pilot features the misadventures of the protagonists as they scavenge for the perfect fraternity. Potentials are the WASP-y house that churned out several U.S. senators, the jock house and the Jewish house.

Naturally, they find a perfect house for all of them: the Omega Sigma fraternity — the 24/7 party house where hitting on your hot English professor is the activity of the day and serving the perfect guacamole is the ultimate life goal.

Of course, in order to prove their allegiance to the house and their newfound friendship, the guys wind up in some crazy antics on their very first night — including keg stands, stealing a painting from a rival fraternity and finding a secret rave — but these scenes nonetheless feel hopelessly tired.

Furthermore, one can barely tell this show takes place two decades ago: playing music from the era and giving a few girls side ponytails does not make a show about the ’80s.

My advice to you: skip this hackneyed program in favor of livening up your own college experience. Who wants to watch a shallow version of what many of us live everyday?