Editorial | What your borg’s name says about you

Saint Patrick was a British Christian missionary who was a bishop in Ireland during the fifth century. The man wasn’t Irish, yet the Irish, alongside the majority of college students in America, annually drink in this man’s honor.

While the Irish partake in a fair share of heavy drinking, fashioning a borg and naming it something outrageous seems a little too American. However, I think they’d make an exception for Borgaret Thatcher.  

St. Patrick’s Day is infamously known as a drinking holiday, so it’s no surprise that upon receiving viral status, borgs became the drinking trend for this 2023’s season… and P.S., experts don’t love the trend, but argue it has some benefits compared to other college drinking trends. Did someone say “Score!”? Well, let’s see what your borg’s name over the weekend says about you. 

Pittsborgh

Alright, because Yinzer pride runs so deep in this city, we will forgive you for your lack of creativity. The joke was right within your reach and you fell victim to the ease — and that’s okay. You’re a traditionalist. You like simple things. Your favorite jokes are dad jokes and are a little butt-hurt when people don’t laugh at your newest ones.  

Nordenborg Hall 

Hey there, first-years — how was your first St. Patty’s Day at Pitt? You most likely have half of your borg sitting on top of your mini fridge, waiting for your body to stomach the smell of cheap vodka and kool-aid mix before being able to dump it down the drain. You probably had the worst hangover of your life, but will certainly not learn from this mistake next year. 

Soborg 

Do you abstain from alcohol but want to feel included in one of the most notorious drinking holidays in the U.S.? Well, if that’s you, you have to get a little creative with your approach to the “borg.” You like to fit in with the crowd — and there’s nothing wrong with that — but you have incredible self control and a commitment to hydration. We like to see it.  

Student Government Borg

You’re either a fan of rule and order or you’re on your way home with a drinking citation — either of which is a nice change-up from your usual hang spot in Nordy’s Place for your weekly SGB meeting. Let’s hope The Pitt News doesn’t find out! 

Borganic chemistry

O-chem people are a special type, meaning that while all other people on the planet can’t fathom why anyone would enter into organic chemistry of all chemical fields, these nerds have made peace with it being their favorite topic. If you know this and still bravely walked around with a borg entitled “Borganic Chemistry,” you’re most likely a senior chem major who’s celebrating their first St. Patty’s Day in college with a chemically balanced concocted green mixture. Bravo. 

Oxborg Comma 

Yes, if you’re wondering, we also think Oxborg Comma is nerdy like Borganic Chemistry, but in the endearing way that English and writing majors are — slight offense, STEM majors. Although AP Style holds contempt for the use of Oxford commas, many writers at TPN still insistently, and to their editors’ dismay, utilize them in their columns and articles. Regardless, if you named your borg this, you’re alright by our standards.