Stephen Colbert discusses March to Keep Fear Alive

Television sensation and satirist Stephen Colbert has a plan for fixing government and solving… Television sensation and satirist Stephen Colbert has a plan for fixing government and solving America’s financial problems.

It is not a conventional plan by any measure, but he stands by it firmly: Only by restoring fear of politicians, government, taxes, sanity and reason can average Americans preserve democracy and the security of our their great state.

In his classic Colbert style, the Comedy Central talk show host outlined his plan to bring Washington back in line during a conference call Friday afternoon with college journalists. He also took some time to plug his “March to Keep Fear Alive,” a rally planned for the end of this month on the National Mall.

“Stephen, you are asking those who attend the march to dress as their worst fear,” one journalist began, “You mentioned you are most afraid of immigrant homosexual bears. Is that how you’ll dress?”

“Unless I can find some way to dress up like a mosque, yes,”

“Mr. Colbert, are you afraid of what college students and young voters can do at the polls when they are motivated? Are you afraid they could behave reasonably when it comes to voting?”

“No I don’t fear college students. They should be the ones who are afraid, having to graduate in this economic climate. That should terrify them.”

On Oct. 30, Colbert’s rally will “compete” with a simultaneous event put on by fellow Comedy Central star Jon Stewart called the Rally to Restore Sanity. While neither Stewart nor Colbert have admitted as much, members of the media and the political community suspect the co-events are planned to satirize conservative TV personality Glenn Beck’s Aug. 28 Rally to Restore Honor.

Beck held his event in front of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington. The rally drew at least 100,000 conservatives and Tea Party members from around the country and was attended by a number of GOP heads including Sarah Palin.

“Stephen, how will your rally differ from Glenn Beck’s?” one journalist asked at the beginning of the call. “Why should we go to yours?”

“Beck’s rally was a religious festival that asked his followers to turn to God. My event is something totally different, we want to bring back fear. Our fight or flight response is what’s always preserved this county.”

Since Jon Stewart announced his plan to rally in September, he and Colbert have humorously competed–each vying for better rally attendance

“My biggest fear of all is that Jon Stewart will get more people at his rally than I get,” Colbert said. “And I fear that people will start thinking rationally about this country’s problem. And goblin-killing machines.”

West Virginia University, Yale University, Penn State University, University of Pennsylvania and Temple joined the afternoon call, along with 20 other colleges from around the country. Colbert took two questions from each school, often answering in character.

Colbert often mentioned the online charitable organization Donors Choose during the call, for which he serves on the board of directors. The allows public school teachers to post lists of materials that could help their classrooms and connects them to donors.