Opinion | Stubbornness … why is it so hard to overcome?

I was thinking about stubbornness over winter break while experiencing a heartbreak. This made me realize that sometimes, it is OK to be stubborn. 

Everyone can have a different perspective of what it means to be stubborn. My perspective is that stubbornness is the determination to stick with your own opinion and no one else’s, or having the quality of being difficult when it comes to a lot of change in your life.

Although I am stubborn at times, I only am stubborn during bad situations where I have to defend myself or others. In all honesty, I am only stubborn when I really have to be, or if someone is making it hard for me to deal with them. It is almost as if I am being forced to be stubborn, and in some ways, it can be a really tough situation. I do not use my stubbornness negatively — I use it in a way that makes me stand my ground.

Whether you are going through heartbreak, an argument or anything else, there will be times when you are going to be stubborn. That is OK to admit — it happens. Sometimes we want to stick to our viewpoints, and that is OK. Whether you are defending yourself or just really like being right, everyone is guilty of being stubborn every now and then. I believe that people who say they are not stubborn just cannot accept it or do not know what stubbornness actually is. 

What we do not want to do is use stubbornness to our own advantage, as this makes it hard to hear people out on their personal opinions. If you stick to your own opinion and do not put yourself in someone else’s shoes, how else are you supposed to gain more knowledge on a situation?

It’s particularly difficult when you are arguing with someone who is also being stubborn. In these sorts of circumstances, it is hard for you and the other person — or the people you are arguing with — to accept other viewpoints. Stubbornness can branch from many things, including insecurities, an unstable life or being goal-oriented, and some people need to realize bad past experiences could have made someone stubborn. 

As a kid, I was very stubborn, as I feel many kids were. I wanted my way or no way. I was definitely an annoying child — sorry, Mom and Dad. I was very stubborn in the worst ways possible. As I grew up, The Rolling Stones helped me realize that “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you’ll find, you get what you need.” If you don’t know that song, give it a listen. It helps give you a better perspective on life.

As you keep growing and maturing, you find out so many different things about the world and the era you are growing up in. I mean, we are in the 21st century, after all — we have grown up with brand-new technology and more kinds of music, and we’ve evolved so much.

Overall, I am here to say that it is OK to be stubborn sometimes, and it is OK if you find it hard to overcome that stubbornness. There are always roots to why we are who we are today, and our outlook depends on our circumstances. During a disagreement, the person you are arguing with may think that you are being toxic and stubborn, though to you, that other person may seem like the toxic and stubborn one. 

Stubbornness is a whole rollercoaster, and it will stay with us for a while. If you overcome stubbornness in your most difficult situations, give yourself a pat on the back. I was a very stubborn child, and now here I am at my college age only using my stubbornness in situations where I desperately need to. That is OK, and I have learned why I can be so stubborn at times. We are all human, after all — we grow and learn things over time. 

If you have thoughts about being stubborn or any other opinions on what being stubborn is, you can reach out to Irene at inm24@pitt.edu.