Notes From an Average Girl | What is love?

What is love?

I watch my parents hold hands over the center console of the car. I define this as love.

I listen to my friend cry as she repeats the disgusting comment her boyfriend made about her body. She defines this as love.

I listen to my mom discuss her experience in couples therapy with my dad as they learned how to properly communicate. I define this as love.

I watch Rory Gilmore cheat on multiple of her boyfriends in “Gilmore Girls.” Society defines this as love.

This is what I think I know about love — it is respect and patience. It is not cruel and unsatisfying. It is loving yourself before loving your partner. 

But who am I to say that my friend doesn’t really love her boyfriend or that Rory Gilmore never loved Dean? I don’t claim to know what love is, nor to have ever experienced it. It’s a complex thing. I’m young with little experience. What I do know is that when it comes down to it, I have the best example of love. From a young age, my parents have taught me what it is like to love and to be loved.

Rory Gilmore’s role model for love is her mother — Lorelei — who often ended relationships before they began. She dated Max Medina, a teacher at Rory’s school, then broke up with him, then got back together with him, then said yes to his proposal and then called off the wedding. She dated Rory’s father on and off, before getting married and divorced all in the span of one season. 

My friend’s role models are her parents, who divorced when she was young. Since then, she’s met various boyfriends and girlfriends of her parents, none of whom have stuck around.

My role models are my parents who have been together since college, raised three children and still love each other. Through my mom, I have learned to respect myself and my body, to communicate my needs and to express my love. Through my dad, I have learned what a healthy partner acts like and how I deserve to be treated.

At 20 years old, I’ve only had one short relationship and I’m not exactly eager to find another one. 

This surprises most people, because what is a girl if not someone to long for romance and love? It’s not because I don’t think love is great or even real — it’s because I do. 

Because of my parents, I believe in love and I trust that I’ll find it eventually. Maybe my standards are too high, or maybe I’m just content with platonic love — for now — but I do look forward to the day I find it. Maybe then I’ll be able to define it, but as of now, I’ll stick to admiring my parents’ love.