April Fools’: Pitt joins Patriot League

This story is part of The Pitt News’ April Fools’ Day special edition. It is… This story is part of The Pitt News’ April Fools’ Day special edition. It is entirely fictional.

The Internet rumors and unbridled speculation can finally be put to rest.

Tomorrow, the Pitt Athletic Department will officially announce that the Panthers will indeed move to a new conference: the Patriot League.

“We’re very excited about this move,” Steve Pederson, Pitt athletic director, said in a statement released to the media.

“The switch to the Patriot League will secure the future of Pitt athletics from a financial and competitive perspective for the years to come.” Departing the Big East for the Patriot League might surprise some fans, especially considering that it will demote the Panther football team to the Football Championship Subdivision. Despite this monumental sacrifice, both Pederson and football head coach Dave Wannstedt were able to put a positive spin on the change.

“People have been complaining about Pitt not having an intrastate rival in football for years. Now, we have three of them in the same conference,” Pederson said. Pederson referred to Bucknell, Lafayette and Lehigh — a trio of schools that will have to fill the void, now that contests against West Virginia seem unlikely.

Ironically, now that Pitt is an FCS school, Penn State has jumped at the opportunity of scheduling the Panthers. According to sources inside the athletic department, the current offer from the Penn State administration requests 12 games to be played in Happy Valley with the possibility of a 13th game being played in either Pittsburgh or Philadelphia.

The conference switch also puts Pitt’s attempts to improve football game attendance into perspective. Compared to some of the teams in the Patriot League, Pitt football is a bigger draw than Bon Jovi.

“After taking a look around, I’m very happy with all of our attendance figures,” Pederson said. “Fordham’s stadium only fits 7,500 people and Georgetown’s is just called the Multi-Sport Field — it doesn’t even have a real name.”

A few months ago Pitt basketball coach Jamie Dixon said that any move out of the Big East would be a downgrade for the basketball program. Dixon stepped away from his comments yesterday at the Oakland FedEx Kinkos.

“I think we’re going to be very successful in the Patriot League,” Dixon said while picking up a bundle of resumés. “What am I doing here? Well, you should always keep your resumé updated, just in case.”

What makes the move puzzling for some Pitt followers is the fact that the Big Ten has been actively entertaining the thought of expansion. Recent comments from the Big Ten administration indicate that the conference is looking to add 19 teams to become the country’s first ultra-conference.

Joining the prospective 30-team league would have maintained Pitt’s position in national relevance. Instead, Pitt has gone in a different direction, and now football games with Holy Cross and Colgate are on the horizon.