‘The Losers’ an adaptation exactly like it sounds

Well, add another film to the list of “Movies With Self-Fulfilling Prophetic… Well, add another film to the list of “Movies With Self-Fulfilling Prophetic Titles.”

Also, “The Losers” can join other films like the inane “The Spirit” and the beautifully conceived yet ill-executed “Watchmen” as films based on comic books that should have stayed comic books.

Embodying the cellular style of a graphic novel from the opening credits, the entire film feels like one long exercise in attempting to diagnose Attention Deficit Disorder. Things blow up, shots are hyper-edited and overstylized and the dialogue comes at audiences quickly and flatly.

“The Losers” isn’t a terrible film; it’s simply irrelevant and worse, unnecessary. The only audience that might enjoy the PG-13 rated action flick are boys of ages 11-16. Other than that, there isn’t a lot of allure here.

The film’s plot centers around Colonel Clay (Morgan) and his ragtag crew of mercenary misfits. At least, I think they’re mercenaries. They might be covert CIA operatives, but it’s never really clear. Either way, they get screwed over by a mysterious man named Max (Jason Patric) who leaves them stranded in Bolivia with the rest of the world thinking they are dead.

While they drink and gamble their lives away, the beautiful and apparently lethal Aisha (Saldana) seduces Clay and almost kills him. Then she offers him the chance to get even with Max, a renegade CIA operative who is trying to start another World War just so America can look big and tough.

There are plenty of twists and turns, none of which surprise or make much sense, but there is a sort of visceral thrill to watching the story unfold across beautifully shot exotic locales in the brief 98-minute running time.

But then the film’s flaws become glaringly apparent. The hyper-cut style in which the film is edited is so tired and overdone, and it reaches that unfortunate action flick peak where the audience’s awareness of what’s going on suffers because of the editing. There are a few cool shots here and there — one of Jensen (Chris Evans) running across a concrete lot comes to mind — but there’s nothing to write home about.

The performances are all ho-hum, which is particularly disappointing in the case of Zoe Saldana, who was so vibrant in “Avatar.” Here she’s reduced to a sex object, and she’s practically a clone of Thandie Newton circa “Mission Impossible: II.” Chris Evans is amusingly aloof, but Jason Patric’s Max is so over-the-top quirky that he is instantly unlikable.

Which brings me to the film’s main drawbacks: the dialogue and the source material.

Now, I understand the need for authenticity when adapting a comic book, but the dialogue in the film feels like it was taken verbatim from the pages. I don’t think this should be a jab at the comic book — the screenwriters should understand that what might be funny and eccentric when read silently can just sound awkward and stilted on screen.

This problem is no more evident than with Max. His pseudo-ironic lines sound intentionally forced and off-putting, but they never connect with the viewer the way the filmmaker seems to have intended.

The same goes for the dialogue between The Losers. It’s reminiscent of a group of tenth grade boys exchanging insults — which again might have been intentional irony — but it ultimately leaves the film feeling immature.

“The Losers” would have benefited from an R-rating: More violence, more realistically vulgar dialogue, more sex — all things the movie seems to want to pride itself on.

But as it is, “The Losers” should be described like its characters. At best, check it out on late-night TNT in two years.