Beer Issue: Jovenitti: The Big Yeast Breakdown

Every week The Pitt News gives you insightful analysis of Pitt’s conference with our… Every week The Pitt News gives you insightful analysis of Pitt’s conference with our weekly Big East Breakdown. But today, in addition to our normal coverage, I offer a slightly inebriated version.

Therefore, I present the first ever Big Yeast Breakdown, where I give each Big East team a beer with which to identify.

Cincinnati: Bud Light Lime

The Bearcats had been overlooked since joining the Big East in 2005, but in the past two years they found a quick fix for their popularity problems: a flashy offense.

Bud Light Lime also used a flashy gimmick, lime flavoring, to attract beer drinkers. It worked for a little bit, as the beer became relatively popular.

The Bearcats won the Big East football championship in 2008, and the next year they had an undefeated season. But, alas, their flashy gimmicks have worn out, and they are becoming a victim of their success.

Quarterback Tony Pike left for the NFL Draft. Head coach Brian Kelly bolted for Notre Dame. Much like Bud Light Lime, their success will be short-lived.

Connecticut: Straub Beer

The Huskies’ football program joined the Big East in 2004. While their basketball program is among the nation’s best and most popular, Connecticut football hasn’t made much noise. Though, fans will insist the team is going to be good soon and they will continue to go to the games.

Straub beer, brewed in St. Mary, Pa., is exactly like Connecticut football. The locals insist that it’s good, but it hasn’t really caught on — and nobody is too excited about it.

Neither the team nor the beer look as if it will have a breakout year anytime soon.

Louisville: Pabst Blue Ribbon Light

Louisville football isn’t so bad. They’ve had a few good years in recent memory. But the teams of late have been dismal. The team’s hardwood counterpart, basketball, is what the school is really known for.

PBR Light is also an okay-tasting beer –— especially considering that it’s relatively cheap. But when you think PBR, you don’t think “Light” in the same way you do when you think Miller. Much like when you think Louisville Cardinals, you think basketball.

Pitt: Pabst Blue Ribbon

Pitt football is eerily similar to PBR beer. PBR tastes good at first, and it tastes really good after a few sips. But once the aftertaste hits you, you realize just how bitter and disappointing it really is. However, for some illogical reason, you keep coming back for more.

Rutgers: Budweiser

The Scarlet Knights are good sometimes, and they have a really high-powered offense certain years, especially recently with quarterback Mike Teel’s impressive arm. But the thing that really sets Rutgers apart is its amazingly devoted fan base, even though the team rarely sees a championship or a BCS bowl game.

Budweiser, too, has a large and devoted following. It has some hysterical, flashy commercials, but the taste is kind of heavy and it frequently results in painful hangovers, just like Rutgers’ usually disappointing seasons.

South Florida: Miller Lite

The Bulls start out every season strong. The hype builds all throughout September, and they usually break into the top 10. But when South Florida plays on national television (usually in a Thursday-night home game in October), a lower-tier Big East team upsets the Bulls in front of millions of viewers.

It happens every year, but the media and the fans buy into the hype every time.

Miller Lite is also highly hyped. The commercials are hysterical, especially the recent ones where a sexy bartender tells a male customer to take off his skirt and order a real beer. I stupidly buy into the hype every time. I get excited and go buy a case. But when I get home and crack open the first can, I’m usually disappointed. The bitter taste is originally shocking, much like the Bulls’ annual primetime flop.

But, much like South Florida fans, after a few sips of bitterness, I don’t really care and I just keep going.

Syracuse: Natural Light

Syracuse plays in the Carrier Dome, one of the biggest stadiums in the Big East. The Dome makes for some great acoustics, and the crowd usually is pretty loud. Orange fans can be found all over the country, but unfortunately the team on the field is absolutely awful, and it has been for a long time.

Natty Light is equally popular with college students. It is one of the cheapest beers available, which is the primary reason for its success. However, everyone knows that it tastes awful and there is no hope of it ever getting better. But it’s cheap, so who cares?

Both Syracuse football and Natty Light are only enjoyable after, not before, a few beers are drank.

West Virginia: Keystone Light/Keystone Ice

West Virginia is very similar to Rutgers. The Mountaineers have a huge following. Keystone is also a popular beer among college students — if only for its low price tag.

But the real resemblance between West Virginia and Keystone is that they are both a little bit trashy.

This isn’t to say that West Virginia fans are trashy people, but they’ve been known to throw some trash at players every once in a while.Disclaimer: The Big Yeast Breakdown is not based on any real facts, but purely my own speculations and assumptions. The Pitt News would warn readers to take this with a grain of salt, but recent studies say that salt is bad for your health.