Opinion | Believe victims even if you don’t like them

Allegations against Cody Ko, a popular reaction YouTuber, show how our society will still ridicule and refuse to believe imperfect victims. After a video collaboration he did years ago with Tana Mongeau, a storytime YouTuber and podcast host, the nature of their relationship was called into question, only to resurface after Mongeau confirmed the sexual nature of their relationship. 

Even at the time of their original collaboration eight years ago, many commenters pointed out that Ko seemed interested in Mongeau even though she was significantly younger than him. 

A few years ago, Mongeau offhandedly mentioned on her podcast “Cancelled,” which she hosts with Brooke Schofield, that she “hooked up with Cody Ko” at the age of 17 or 18. While this raised concern for many, Mongeau’s reputation and internet personality at the time was somebody who told exaggerated storytimes, leading many to disregard it until recently. 

At one of the “Cancelled” podcast’s recent live events, Mongeau reiterated her previous story and confirmed that they had sex when she was 17 and Ko was 25. She later went on to speak on the subject on both her and Trisha Paytas’ podcasts after the story started gaining traction online. 

The knee-jerk reaction of many was to find Mongeau’s story unbelievable considering her online persona and her general outlandishness. Mongeau’s career consisted mostly of wild storytimes, gossiping and exposing other influencers, which majorly influenced how many received these allegations. Despite discussing the topic in depth and more seriously, in stark comparison to the jokes she had made before, the general consensus on social media still remained that Mongeau was lying, and I noticed many labeling her as an “attention seeker” who was somehow doing this for “clout.” Ko has not addressed this since and hasn’t received a significant drop in followers, and his engagement remains high.

Given Mongeau’s history of “cancellations,” the inequality in reactions to both Ko’s and Mongeau’s scandals shows a clear double standard for women. While many of her controversies sparked public outcry and only occurred when Mongeau was just a teenager, social media won’t give a grown man who allegedly committed statutory rape the same energy.

Mongeau’s persona as a teen made much of the public quick to overestimate her maturity, and she was never given the same grace as Ko despite their difference in age. Her sexualization directly contributed to this narrative and is in large part why people won’t see this for what it is — a potential crime.

It’s very common for people to cling to a perpetrator’s positive characteristics while belittling the victim’s negative ones, even in less public instances. Ko has positioned himself on the internet as a loving family man, and his image is generally received very well. He has skated by without much controversy for a long time, and his likable qualities have made it seemingly difficult for his fans to hold him accountable for his actions. Posts about this topic border on parasocial when fans refuse to acknowledge the possibility that Ko engaged in inappropriate behavior. We must allow space for our preconceived notions to be wrong and stop believing that we know the people who carefully curate their content.

Many will point to “cancel culture” as to why outcry is unnecessary after eight years in this situation, like they often do. I detest the use of “cancellation” in situations such as this. Nobody is trying to cancel Ko — he allegedly committed a crime. Somehow, the overuse and broadening of this term has stopped us from recognizing when things have crossed a line and deserve to be treated as such. 

It’s saddening to see the public evaluate victims to determine their worthiness of respect and belief. People like Tana Mongeau should not be simply branded as sexual and outrageous without the space to also be sincere and genuine. Ultimately, a 17-year-old is a minor no matter how mature the internet believes them to be. Despite Mongeau’s online presence, she is an individual who we should afford far more compassion and understanding.

The biggest question that this situation begs is how many more conversations we have to have about “believing victims” before people actually start doing it. There’s nothing that hasn’t been said about the importance of validating those who’ve been sexually assaulted, but it’s clear we have to keep saying it when we still see highly public incidents where the experiences of people like Mongeau are consistently diminished. 

Delaney Rauscher Adams primarily enjoys writing about pop culture and social justice. Reach out to her at dgr17@pitt.edu