Meaning at the Movies | My Old Heart & “My Old Ass”

If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that there are few things in this world I love quite as much as a movie that manages to be full of humor while also being sad enough to break your heart wide open. It’s of course even better if said movie happens to be a coming of age story. Many of my favorite films of all time fit into this category, like “The Perks of Being a Wallflower,” “Lady Bird,” “Me and Earl and the Dying Girl” and “Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret.” The most recent addition to this list is Megan Park’s “My Old Ass.”

One of my most anticipated — and favorite — releases of the year so far, “My Old Ass” follows 18-year-old Elliott (played by Maisy Stella) as a mushroom trip connects her with her 39-year-old self (played by Aubrey Plaza). Adult Elliott begins to give teen Elliott advice on what she should do during her last summer before college, leaving the 18-year-old Elliott to reevaluate her entire life. 

“My Old Ass” is ultimately a movie about what it means to love yourself and fall in love with your life. A lot of the film is rooted in the idea that both being young and growing older hold great value — as both versions of Elliott benefit from their connections with the other. I watched this movie the day before my 21st birthday, which made it even more impactful, as I simultaneously felt the pull of my teenage self and the call to move into adulthood. 

The idea that both versions of Elliott had something to offer the other was extremely comforting to me. It reminded me that there is worth in looking back and celebrating who I am and who I was, and there is also so much for me to learn and embark upon. Watching this movie felt like getting a warm hug, being reassured that even as things may not always go as you plan, there is still so much beauty to be had. 

Much of the beauty of this film is anchored in the performances of Stella and Plaza. Stella delivers what is one of the all time great performances in the coming-of-age genre. Her version of Elliott is brash, charming, clever and just so perfectly fleshed out that she truly comes to feel like your best friend. I absolutely fell in love with Elliott — she is someone who is so clearly figuring out so much about herself, but who also has so much love to give. 

While Elliott’s family and her home are valuable aspects of the film, they are not the main focus. The center of the story is Elliott’s love story with Chad, a boy who comes to work on the farm for the summer. One of the earliest things adult Elliott tells teen Elliott is to avoid anyone named Chad, and then, of course, a few scenes later Chad is introduced. Due to this warning, both teen Elliott and the audience are hesitant around Chad, with Elliott making increasingly hilarious attempts to avoid him. However, as the film goes on, Elliott warms to Chad, eventually beginning to fall in love with him, and the audience does much the same. Chad is charming and kind — it’s clear that he truly sees and understands Elliott and loves her for all that she is.

In the final moments of the film, adult Elliott appears again to teen Elliott, and teen Elliott presses her about why she told her to avoid Chad, saying that she’s already fallen hopelessly in love with him. This is the moment where Plaza delivers her shining moment in the film — major spoilers ahead — as she tells teen Elliott that Chad died, and that’s the reason she told her to stay away from him — not because he did anything wrong but because it broke her when he passed. 

Older Elliott tells teen Elliott, “Chad dies. And he dies after you have fallen so madly in love with him that you can’t see straight, okay? After you can’t imagine loving anybody else ever again.” To this, teen Elliott replies, “No, I’m going to fall in love with Chad. I’m gonna love him so hard for however long we have. And if you weren’t young and dumb, you wouldn’t be brave enough to ever do anything.” 

This moment is the apex of the entire film — the tension between the taunt of growing up and feeling pain and being young and chasing after life. The deep hurt, damage and immense loss that adult Elliott is feeling is evident in the way she speaks, the way her eyes well with tears, how she seems so desperate to protect teen Elliott from the pain. As the scene further progresses, Chad appears and is able to see both teen and adult Elliott — even as he doesn’t know who adult Elliott is. Adult Elliott begins to cry before telling Chad to stay with Elliott and embracing Chad in a hug as tears fall down her face before she walks away. 

This moment symbolizes adult Elliott recognizing the importance of this relationship even if it can’t last. In her telling Chad to stay with Elliott, she is effectively signaling to teen Elliott that this relationship is worth it — that despite adult Elliott’s earlier advice, she should continue down this path. 

This was the moment that brought tears to my eyes. The reminder that everything we have is finite, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t love hit me squarely in the chest. This was the moment — in a film already full of insanely accurate representations of teenage girlhood and lots of humor and self discovery — that made it into one of my new favorite coming-of-age movies. 

After all, isn’t part of growing up learning that having the courage to love is perhaps one of the bravest things we can do?