Littman: Tiger Woods’ press conference biggest disappointment

On Friday, I was once again forced to watch Tiger Woods.

In the past, Woods’ seemingly… On Friday, I was once again forced to watch Tiger Woods.

In the past, Woods’ seemingly limitless talents and dominating nature forced me on multiple occasions to watch golf, a sport I don’t particularly care for. Many view Woods as one of the greatest athletes of this generation, and as a sports fan living while Woods’ career was taking place, I felt like I had to tune in and watch a possible all-time great at work.

Last Friday, though, I watched Woods as if it were my first time seeing him. I wasn’t marveled by his magnificence on the golf course, in awe of his complete domination of a sport. No, I was fascinated by his utter failure at holding a press conference — although it’s hard to call it that since he hand-picked who could attend and didn’t allow questions. Let’s just call it Tiger Woods’ “I screwed up” speech. I was also compelled to watch because it was Woods’ first public appearance since November.

Woods called the speech because last November he got into a car accident, apparently knocking over a cone of silence that once covered 19 women who raced to be the first to blurt out that they slept with him. That’s the short version of it. There are plenty of other delightful nuggets in the story, the best being a text in which Woods referenced himself as “bone thugs in harmon.”

Since then, Woods hasn’t played golf or addressed the media. Nobody is really sure what happened or where Woods will go from here. Some think he should quit golf, there have been rumors he and his wife Elin will divorce and — worst of all — nobody knows if he is still going to be in Gillette commercials with Derek Jeter and Roger Federer.

He didn’t really answer any of those questions, either. If one thing came out of Friday, it’s that I have lost all respect for the supposed greatest athlete of my lifetime.

Listen, it’s absurd to look up to an athlete — or to any famous person, really — you don’t actually know. I didn’t lose respect for Woods for cheating on his wife. Sure, infidelity is disgusting, but oddly enough, professional athletes’ ability to bed any woman is part of their myth. Wilt Chamberlain’s two most famous statistics are that he not only scored 100 points in a single game and said he slept with 20,000 women.

No, I lost all respect for Woods on Friday because he gave the most insincere, wooden “I screwed up” press conference maybe ever. Stars can behave poorly, in ways most people can’t even dream about, just spout out an apology and get away with whatever they did. Maybe it sucks for the rest of us, but if you’ve ever been in a video game or on a trading card, you can do this.

It’s a bit ridiculous that Woods couldn’t even pretend to conjure up a semblance of emotion in his “I screwed up” press conference. Holding a press conference to apologize or set something straight is a rite of passage for athletes, and the most dominant athlete of the past couple of decades screwed that up?

If Tiger Woods were to start playing golf again and finish last in every tournament he entered, this press conference would still be the biggest tarnish to his legacy.

After Kobe Bryant was accused of sexually assaulting a hotel employee in Colorado in 2003, he bought his wife a $4 million ring. She sat by his side, holding his hand as he struggled, seemingly holding back tears during his “I screwed up” speech. The case was dropped in 2004. According to the NBA Store in New York and NBAStore.com, Bryant has had the best-selling NBA jersey the past two seasons.

Woods’ buddy Charles Barkley was pulled over Dec. 31, 2008, for allegedly running a stop sign, but he ended up with a DUI charge after the officer smelled alcohol on his breath. The Smoking Gun reported Barkley told the cop he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up a woman because he was going to receive oral sex from her. After taking two months off from his gig as a basketball analyst on TNT, Barkley returned, admitted he screwed up and he was back to being everyone’s favorite TV personality.

Press conferences aren’t just used by athletes to admit to screwing up so they can continue with their lives, however — they’re also used to dispel rumors. Woods could’ve at least cleared up some of the story. He told us Elin didn’t hit him and not to blame her for anything, but that’s about it.

Back in 2002, Mike Piazza held a press conference to announce he was heterosexual. Rumors appeared on the gossip pages saying otherwise, but Piazza felt the need to kill the rumors. “I’m not gay. I’m heterosexual,” Piazza said in the press conference. “I can’t control what people think. I date women.”

The problem is, Woods didn’t do any of that. He talked for 13 minutes with the conviction of a Speak & Spell. He couldn’t say three words without pausing to look at his prepared statement, then look back up and continued on devoid of passion — as if he were in a spelling bee. Nobody is saying he had to be DMX, probably because all that barking would turn some people off, but he should’ve at least been more animated than a GPS.

We only got two very brief glimpses of emotion. Woods seemed genuinely upset paparazzi were following his children around, and rightfully so. Then after his speech, he gave an awkwardly long hug to his mother, a hug that was his attempt to scream out, “family values!” and “Women can still like me, but you know, in a wholesome way!”

For some, Woods’ reputation of a squeaky-clean role model was ruined after learning about his cheating and lying.

For me, though, Woods’ reputation as an all-time great athlete took a permanent hit Friday when he appeared robotic, over-coached and incapable of owning up to self-inflicted mistakes brought on by his immense fame.