Employment Guide: Green: Nepotism bad for some, good for most

Nepotism is a great excuse to use when you don’t get your way in the working world. Lately, I… Nepotism is a great excuse to use when you don’t get your way in the working world. Lately, I would say it’s second only to “that damn recession.”

Didn’t get that job you applied for? Nepotism.

Didn’t win the Pennsylvania Lottery this week? I bet that winner was the son of someone.

When you cry nepotism, no one questions whether the real reason for your failure was a poor resume, a bad interview or statistical probability.

This is because — unlike stupidity and laziness — nepotism is universally reviled in the United States.

Ideologically, nepotism is not the American way. We made that pretty clear when we told King George III and the rest of his primogeniture-ruled country just what they could do with their overpriced tea.

But in practice, it is everywhere, especially in politics and Hollywood. Candidates bemoan the fact that opponents from the Kennedy, Clinton or Bush dynasties win elections only because of their name.

Likewise, Hollywood nepotism has brought us such musical delights as Ali Lohan, Miley Cyrus and — my personal favorite — Solange Knowles. People Magazine pretty much exists to post photographs of celebrity couples’ babies. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt could make moe money by spitting up on a napkin and selling it on eBay than I could make in a year of hard labor.

Despite the ostensible injustice of it all, it turns out nepotism might actually be a good thing.

Apparently, being a beneficiary of nepotism improves job performance. According to Society for Industrial & Organizational Psychology, Inc., “Because of a shared values set within the occupation, the family members reinforce and support one another’s involvement in professional development. Their level of commitment to these values may therefore be higher than the average.”

A column by Klaus Kneale in Forbes Magazine adds that there is also something to be said for genetic talent.

It is true that for every Logan or Cyrus, there is a legitimately deserving child of nepotism. Gwyneth Paltrow — despite my disdain for her and her pretentious, self-indulgent website GOOP — is a truly talented actress, for example.

Not to mention, without nepotism, we might have been deprived of Solange and her creative use of fur-and-feather garments.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that nepotism leaves its greatest negative impact on its recipients. I, for instance, was once employed by my sister, and I have never worked harder for another employer.

She knew my weaknesses. She knew when I was slacking off. She knew everything. She was Darth Vader, and I was Luke Skywalker getting my hand light saber-ed off.

And she had this uncanny ability to make me feel as though I was never reaching my full work potential.

“Do you have your work done?” She’d ask, not with the casual inquisitiveness of other bosses, but with a threatening menace ordinarily reserved for James Bond villains.

“Uh, yeah. Here.”

“It looks a little short…” — my sister was a master of passive-aggressive pauses.

In short: She scared me sh*tless.

Moreover, when you are hired by a family member, you are constantly afraid that others are judging you.

You feel like you have to prove that you could have been hired despite your powerful sister’s influence. You yearn for freedom from the familial shackles that keep you manacled to your desk, while your co-workers leave early.

Nepotism, it seems then, is most beneficial to the employer. It’s like extortion, only better, because it’s legal. Perhaps that is why in these tough economic times (that damn recession!) nepotism is thriving more than ever.

According to Bloomberg News, Italy’s postal service is proposing nepotism as a way to cut costs and “usher out older workers.” According to the proposed plan, “Workers … who agree to early retirement can cede permanent job contracts to their children.”

While this plan sounds like a good deal for the job recipient, upon a closer look, one must consider the social psychological implications of becoming the cause of one’s parent’s early retirement. What kind of pressures would that put on the new workers?

I feel a little sorry for Solange now. Perhaps that’s why she wears strips of face paint across her eyes and rainbow-patterned wet suits. She merely wants to prove her worth.

E-mail Molly at mog4@pitt.edu. If you are my familial relation, you may e-mail her at her super-private Gmail account.