To Be Honest // Yup, it is that damn phone

For the last seven of my 20 years, I’ve been addicted to my phone. I used to be embarrassed to say this, but I’ve reached a point where I want to talk about it more so I can hold myself accountable. 

I go through phases where I feel absolutely terrible and incredibly guilty about the amount of time I’m spending on my phone. Other times, even when I am on my phone more than necessary, I just try not to think about it. Whichever way, I know it’s unhealthy because it’s either eating me alive or I’m doing everything I can to push the thoughts about it away. When people say “It’s that damn phone,” I can’t disagree because I’ve seen how my phone affects my attention span and mental health. 

It used to be easy to justify being on my phone all the time because it seemed like everyone else around me was also on theirs just as much. But now, I’ve deleted nearly all social media apps, and I still find myself gravitating toward my phone all the time. I used to think social media was the only reason I felt so attached, but clearly, it’s the device itself that I can’t seem to create a healthy distance from.

I’m happy to say that my screen time has decreased since deleting Instagram, Snapchat and TikTok almost three years ago. But I can’t say I’m happy that my daily screen time on my phone is consistently over three hours. Every Sunday, I dread getting my weekly screen time notification because it doesn’t let me forget the problem I try to pretend I don’t have. 

This past fall, I made a goal to be on my phone less — as I have countless times before — and I actually followed through for a couple of months. My average screen time fell below two hours per day, and I didn’t feel pulled to my phone in every moment of silence or boredom. If I was early for class, I read a book or worked on homework instead of scrolling through Pinterest  — because that’s literally the only social media app I still have on my phone — to make the time pass. But recently, I’ve found myself back to where I was before, pulling out my phone every chance I get without even knowing why. 

The instant gratification I get from going on my phone whenever I want feels great in the moment, but over time, it causes me to be extremely uncomfortable when I’m not immediately entertained. Trying to sit down and write an essay or read something often feels like such a slow, painful process because it doesn’t give me the instant dopamine hit that being on my phone does. I don’t want to be this impatient anymore. I want to be able to be bored and feel less dependent on this little rectangular device.

Now, I’m going back to some techniques I’ve used in the past that helped me spend less time on my phone. The first is reading in the morning and at night. I’ve written before about how I was reading every morning before going on my phone and every night after setting my phone down. The more I did that, the more I looked forward to it each day, and the less I felt the need to grab my phone first thing in the morning. I fell out of that habit over winter break, and I didn’t feel as affected by it because I was much less stressed without carrying the weight of my schoolwork. From experience, I’ve learned that practicing the habit of reading before staring at a screen in the morning makes grabbing my phone less desirable when I wake up.

This next one might seem obvious and easy, but I’ve seen how difficult it is for most of us. It’s not going on my phone while waiting outside a classroom, in a line, or sitting in a car or bus. When I started doing this for the first time, I realized just how unbearable I found moments without entertainment. At face value, it seems like such a small action, but it adds up, and it’s shown me that being deprived of instant gratification is actually very beneficial for my attention span.

Finally, I recommend minimizing notifications. This is something I need to do again because even though I did it years ago, I’ve since downloaded new apps, from which I receive unnecessary notifications. It’s incredibly easy to be pulled in by words popping up on my screen, and clicking on them often feels like exactly what I need in the moment. The reality, though, is that the information is never that pressing. Keeping notifications turned on for my texts, calls and emails is all I really need. After all, cell phones were originally made for person-to-person communication, not a never-ending intake of information.

I can’t guarantee that practicing each of these habits will permanently end my phone addiction, because it seems like a cycle I can’t get out of. But I’m ready to do what I can to take steps toward a healthier mindset around my phone and screens in general. Ending certain habits sometimes takes years, but I’m willing to repeat what has worked for me in the past and try new things that have worked for other people until my phone is nothing more than a communication device.