Layton: An open letter to Ke$ha

Dear Ke$ha,

First of all, congratulations are in order. You took down the international… Dear Ke$ha,

First of all, congratulations are in order. You took down the international tsunami of musical success that is Susan Boyle! It must feel good to know that your album, Animal, had the entrance power to debut at No. 1 on the Billboard 200, knocking down the record-shattering Boyle and her silly, Muzak-like warbling.

Just be careful, though, because those Brits are a feisty bunch. Susan Boyle might challenge you to an actual sing-off, or she might suffer another mini-breakdown — you decide which is worse.

On a serious note, Ke$ha, your sprint to fame has been incredible to observe. Just a few months ago, you were a measly icon for the club kids, pumping out underground and poorly produced pop tracks for people to name drop for some quick pop music street cred.

But now, people are comparing you to Britney, Katy Perry and even Lady Gaga — all because you let people know that when you wake up in the morning, you feel like P. Diddy! And that you brush your teeth with Jack Daniel’s.

On that note, I think all dentists would agree that singing about brushing your teeth with whiskey is not the best way to promote oral hygiene in your youth-centered fan base. In fact, many of the things you sing about aren’t really things that young boys and girls should be exposed to, at least until college.

It’s true, Britney sang about being a “slave” to her man, but you refer to yourself as a “lovesick crackhead” when singing about a crush you have.

Katy Perry sang about experimenting with bi-curiosity, but you sing about throwing up in a closet while intoxicated at a “Party at a Rich Dude’s House.”

And you want to throw to the curb any guy who doesn’t look like Mick Jagger — sweetie, have you seen Mick Jagger recently?

You can’t deny it, Ke$ha: The lifestyle your songs promote does not come across as the purest — some might even deem it necessary to take a shower or four after a few listens. Thus, I feel it wholly appropriate to declare that you have created a new sub-genre of pop music: skank rock.

Now, don’t take this personally. You yourself described your style as “garbage chic,” so I think skank rock is just a more specific way of describing your influence on the music scene.

Coincidentally, you’ve sung backup for Britney and even appeared in Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” music video, and their influence on you is understandable. But what made you want to take it to the next level? Oh yeah, your family played host to Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie on “The Simple Life.” Now everything makes much more sense.

Skank rock need not be a negative label — it certainly doesn’t mean that anyone who enjoys your music is “a person … of low or sleazy character,” as Merriam-Webster defines the skank persona. It simply refers to the notion that we all like to let loose sometimes, occasionally in a not-so-classy manner.

The party-minded lifestyle that your music promotes is not new, but before you, it was left to the boys to sing about having that uninhibited fun. The Cobra Starships and the T-Pains of the world had it under control before you came along.

But now, you’re letting the world know that girls can have fun too and that they should let their freak flags fly. I would personally suggest cleaning up any runny mascara the morning after a party, but because that appears to be your signature make-up design, even that may not be necessary.

Pop music has always been about embracing the idea of the guilty pleasure, and with your music, Ke$ha, you’re merely taking it to the next level. Hell, the era of celebutante crotch-flashing and bad behavior reached it’s peak two years ago — Britney hasn’t swung an umbrella at a car in such a long time! Of course, there’s always Lindsay Lohan …

Keep doing your thing, and in the meantime, I’m going to try to find that “place downtown where the freaks all come around,” because your songs just really get me (and millions of others) in the mood to “Take it Off.”

And then and I’m going to shower. You might want to follow suit.

Much love,

Kieran

P.S. — I, too, have thrown up in a closet at a “Party at a Rich Dude’s House.” Just don’t tell anyone.