Brown: Gratuitous gratuities unacceptable

Ah, yes, it’s the first Friday of the semester. With everyone returning to little or no… Ah, yes, it’s the first Friday of the semester. With everyone returning to little or no homework and with replenished bank accounts, this should be a busy weekend at local bars and restaurants.

With food and drinks inevitably comes tipping. And inevitably, most people do it wrong.

Generally, 15 to 20 percent of a bill is the accepted norm for a tip in gratuity etiquette. But why is there a “norm” for an additional cost that isn’t usually printed on a receipt? I say it’s more like blackmail.

When you go to a restaurant, you expect speedy, quality service. That’s what you’re paying for, right?

Not always. In November 2008 in Bethlehem, Pa., a couple was arrested for not paying an 18 percent built-in gratuity on their bill. They said that the service had been inadequate, so they only paid for their meals and drinks.

On several occasions, I too have been reluctant to leave a tip. At one restaurant, upon signing the receipt, I felt the service was so bad that not only did I leave a goose egg on the tip line, but I also wrote a note on the back of the receipt explaining why I didn’t leave a tip.

For a $20 meal, I thought that my french fries should have been served sooner than half an hour after I mentioned the missing spuds to my waitress. But that was just one of the many service issues I had with that meal.

Sure, call what I did a bit sadistic, but I think I helped make the world a little better place that night, or at least made this particular server better for future customers. I’m not usually that caustic, nor am I quite that cheap.

I believe Steve Buscemi’s character, Mr. Pink, from “Reservoir Dogs” has the best take on the subject: “I don’t tip because society says I have to. All right, if someone deserves a tip, if they really put forth an effort, I’ll give them something extra.”

What I don’t get is when people pity tip the poor, weary soul who labors through the rigors of carrying food around — especially after lackluster service. That’s rewarding mediocrity.

No matter what, employers have to pay minimum wage to their servers, even if their official hourly pay is a base amount like the $2.90 currently paid in Pennsylvania.

Another common tipping predicament comes from how to tip at a bar. It takes a skilled bartender to make a good drink, so a good job would naturally carry a reward with it.

But if your $6 Long Island iced tea tastes more like what gramps kept in his flask to ward off the cold than a proper drink, send it back and tip accordingly — or not at all. As a paying customer, you have that right.

When it comes to beer, though, handing over an extra dollar because someone removed a bottle cap or poured beer into a glass is a real exploitation of our generosity.

There’s a misconception that patrons have to act like third graders, handing over money as if it were apples to Mrs. Crabtree, to ensure attention. Remember, bartenders should work for your business — not the other way around.

Alas, taking control in social situations, whether it’s in a bar or restaurant, has unfortunately become somewhat taboo. Not tipping is often considered cheap or poor form.

But rules are flexible. Not tipping on a first date might not be a good idea, but if you’re on your 20th date or so, reconsider that rule.

Gratuity rules are so complicated that BBC reporter Kevin Connolly even wrote a column explaining the intricacies of tipping in the U.S. — a custom most Britons have never had to face.

“[Tipping] keeps whoever is doing the serving on their toes,” he said. “I have waited half an hour for a receipt in communist Poland while watching two young waiters playing football with a polystyrene cup.”

Connolly champions the idea, introducing it to his readers with a child-like enthusiasm. To him, tipping is the great savior of the service industry.

In the real world, incentive has given way to expectation. Hard work then gave way to entitlement. And people like me have become jaded as to whether or not this concept really works.

It does, but it takes some self-control to make it work properly. Money is one of the best forms of expression.

Mentioning a problem often helps correct it, but it’s not foolproof. Sometimes, you need to take action too.

So here’s a challenge to those of you going out this weekend: Use some sense. Raise your expectations of what the word “quality” means. Say what you mean with your wallet.

Such restraint can only make service at our area businesses that much better.

E-mail Jacob at jeb110@pitt.edu.

In the Nov. 8 column, “Gratuitious gratuities unacceptable,” The Pitt News incorrectly reported the minimum wage for tipped employees in Pennsylvania. The correct figure is $2.83. The Pitt News regrets the error.